


The Key To Home

by tonysta_k



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst, Busker Sirius, Fluff, M/M, Poor Remus, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-03-19 15:50:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 30,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3615594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonysta_k/pseuds/tonysta_k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin is poor. He is seventeen, and although he gets money for going to college and claims benefits - it's never enough to keep his wardrobe full of decent clothes or his stomach full of food.</p><p>Sirius Black is a busker. He lives on the streets and plays guitar and sings for money. He has no friends and his family don't want to know him. Or, this is the story that he tells people anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Set in modern day, both boys are seventeen.
> 
> There isn't too much to the first chapter, but it's enough to get the story going. More will happen in upcoming chapters. I hope you enjoy. :)

Remus walks through the streets of Surrey with four shopping bags - two in each hand. His hair is half in the old beanie that’s nearly completely off his head and half is covering his eyes. He raises a hand and uses the hand that’s covered by one of his fingerless gloves to move his overgrown hair out of his eyes. His fingers are numb from the cold and his hands are aching with the weight of the bags’ handles pushing down on the thin material of his gloves that cover his skin. He knew he should of bought the gloves with fingers, but the fingerless ones were cheaper. But the material of them is clearly the reason why they were only a pound and fifty pence. The material is thin and already wearing out. Remus has only had them for a week. The rest of his clothes are no better. His jeans are ripped and he’s lost so much weight that they hang off him. His shirt is two times too big and his jacket isn’t warm in the slightest. As for his shoes, there are holes starting to form in the bottom of them and his socks hardly cover all his feet due to the holes in them.

He walks for a few more minutes before he forces himself to sit down on a bench. He puts his bags down next to him and lets out a deep breath and buries his head in his hands. He’s cold, run down, and just wants to get back home. He raises his head from his hands and checks his watch - 15:03. If he starts walking now he can get to the bus stop to catch the bus and won’t have to walk four miles back to his flat. He has five pounds left for the week and it’s only Monday - his next payment won’t be for a week. But he’s willing not to eat in college in deal to get the bus and have a rest from walking. He gets up, grabs his bags, and starts walking. He walks for a few blocks before he can hear music. And as he continues to walk in the direction of the bus stop, the music gets louder and he can hear singing to the tune of what Remus now recognises to be a guitar. The voice is clearly a male’s. A young male’s. It’s raw and edgy. But it’s one of the nicest voices Remus has every heard. As he turns a corner he walks past a small coffee shop, and on the opposite street, stood outside Waterstones, is a teenager.

The teeanger is the source of the singing and guitar playing. He’s beautiful, Remus thinks. He’s got shoulder length, wavy dark hair and Remus can tell from where he’s stood that he’s smaller than himself. Remus lets himself stand on the other side of the street and admire the teenager. He seems so passionate about his music; the way he moves whilst singing and his hands moving on the guitar and the strings. People walk past and drop their spare change in the hat that sits in front of his feet. When the song is over, Remus walks over to him.

Up close, Remus sees that he was right about the height difference. He can also see the colour of the teenager’s eyes. Grey - but even though it’s such a simple color, it’s the first time Remus has seen it in someone’s eyes. They’re little flecks of lighter grey in his eyes and it makes Remus think of stars.

“Hi, I’m Sirius.”

Remus smiles and puts his bags on the floor before taking Sirius’ extended hand and shakes it. “Remus.”

“Like Remus and Romulus?”

Remus chuckles, “Exactly like Remus and Romulus.”

Sirius nods his head, “It’s original. I like it.”

“I could say the same about you, Mr dog constellation.”

Sirius smiles, and Remus is almost knocked for six. Sirius’ smile is all big and toothy, showing all his white, perfectly straight teeth that Remus won’t even achieve after his braces are taken off.

“Your voice.. it was beautiful.”

Sirius laughs, “Thank you. I would return the compliment but I don’t know any of your talents.”

Remus’ cheeks turn scarlet and he wonders how someone can be so smooth. Remus couldn’t compliment anyone that great even if he was paid. Compliments, or smooth compliments rather, are not in his abilities. He looks down to hide his blush and realizes his and Sirius’ hands are still clasped together. He takes his hand away and immediately misses the warmth.

“I’m not really one who has many talents, but thank you,”

“Everyone has a talent, I just wish that people would appreciate them a bit more, you know?”

Remus looks up and raises an eyebrow. “I don’t think I do? Sorry. But, maybe you can explain?”

Sirius instantly looks shy about it and Remus goes to say that it doesn’t matter, that he’s sorry because it seems like a sensitive topic and it’s really not his business at all, but Sirius speaks before Remus can. “I’m homeless, so the money that people give me because they appreciate my singing and guitar playing goes towards my food, or new clothes, because as you can tell, I’m in need of them.” He uses his hands to gesture to his body.

Remus looks at Sirius’ clothing and realizes that his clothing are in just as bad condition as his own. Remus is reaching for his wallet before he can even think about anything else.

“Here,” He hands Sirius all of his change - his last five pounds, without hesitation. “I’m sorry it’s all such little change, but I know that you can get yourself a new jacket in a charity shop and maybe even a bit of food as well if there’s change.”

Sirius closes his hands around the coins and takes Remus into his arms. “Thank you so much.” He’s mumbling into Remus’ shoulder.

Remus smiles and pats Sirius on his back. “It’s not a problem.”

So what if Remus has to walk for four miles because he no longer has money for the bus? Thanks to him, Sirius will be able to get himself a jacket. To keep warm and hopefully get a hot meal down him. And knowing that keeps Remus warm whilst he starts his four miles walk -now in the rain- back to his rundown flat.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the feedback and kudos from the last chapter! This chapter was originally going to be a lot shorter, but I thought that it may be a bit disappointing. So here's a longer one, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Also, some of this isn't beta'd so I apologize for anything that doesn't make sense. Let me know if you find something!

Remus gets home two hours later. He’s walked the way back home so many times that he knows the ups and downs, curves and crossroads like the back of his hand. But it took him longer than usually due to the rain and the heaviness of the bags. He steps inside and puts his bags down. He’s soaking wet. His hands are shaking and are starting to cramp up. They have marks in them from the bags’ handles. The gloves were useless. His knees are weak and shaking just as much as his hands. His hair’s soaked - the beanie fell off. His hair sticks to his face, neck, and ears. His clothes are stuck to his lanky frame and  he’s cold to  the bone. He knows for sure that he’s going to have a flu. As for his feet, they’re drenched. His shoes definitely have holes in them now, and Remus certainly does not appreciate that. Shopping bags are moved to the kitchen, clothes are taken off, and a hot bath is run.

Remus lays in the bath so that his face and ears just above the water. The water is boiling. Steam dances above Remus and he watches as it raises up and disappears. The water is deep enough so that it covers his feet. He closes his eyes, inhaling a deep breath. He’s home. Although in a way, he’s never really had a home. He lays in the bath for a while, not doing anything. Just laying there and enjoying the comfort and heat that is provided by the water. Eventually he washes his hair and scrubs his body with the small bar of soap that he decides is more like a small handful of soap, and by the time he’s done, there’s no more than a fingernail size of soap left. He sighs. He knew that there was something he had forgotten to get.

Once out of the bath and dressed in pyjamas, Remus checks his phone. He didn’t take it with him when he went shopping, because it was lowly charged. He finds that he has a text. Dorcas.

_15:35_

_Remus, do you know if there is any work due in on Monday? Also, you left your notes for French in my book. How do you even do that all the time? If you need them I’ll come over tomorrow or I can just give the notes to you when I see you Monday xx_

_18:05_

_Hey Dorcas, sorry about a late reply, I went out shopping and did not take my phone. No work is due in on Monday, you can relax. I don’t know how I seem to leave my notes in your book, sorry. I’m out tomorrow - it’s Sunday. Just give me to them when I see you on Monday._

Sundays are not spent in his rundown, horrible flat. But they are spent with his grandmother. His grandmother lives on her own in a little accommodation of flats for the elderly. It was too hard for her to live in a house by the time she was sixty three, and so had to put her house up for sale and moved into a small flat that carers visit around morning and nightly to tend to any of the residents’ needs. Now, there’s the question of why doesn’t she just move in with Remus? Here are the answers. First of all, Remus would never let his grandmother stay with him. His flat is cramped and dirty - no matter how much and how hard you clean it. Secondly, his grandmother needs care that Remus is not able to provide due to meetings with social workers and college. Thirdly, the flat Remus lives in is provided by the council for him. But you’ll hear more about that later on.

Back to the point - Sundays with his grandmother. Remus goes there every Sunday to spend time with her and to make sure she’s doing well. They make lunch together and also make a cake (that is usually chocolate and half of it is taken back home with Remus.) He enjoys time spent with his grandmother, he never rearranges or lets her down. He takes her flowers or chocolates when he can, this week it’s a box of Thorntons chocolates. He usually gets her cheap chocolates from the pound shop, but he saved up some of his dinner money so he could get her better quality ones. For everything that she’s done for him, he wishes he could buy her everything that she desires.

_Sunday_

To get to his grandmother’s house, Remus has to go through a rough estates that have an alley - a shortcut to the accommodations where his grandmother lives. And Remus doesn’t really mind, because he can spend more time with his grandmother. But the amount of rough people who try to cause chaos whilst he’s there is ridiculous. Who try and get into a fight with him or sell him drugs. These are the reasons that Remus walks the streets with his headphones in his ears and the music turned up all the way.

Today, luckily, he gets to his grandmother’s with little bother. A few people shouted at him but the voices were muffled by the music that played in his ears. He gets the key to the flat from his pocket and opens the flat door, “Gran, are you up?”

The flat is warm, and as always it smells of flowers and hairspray. It’s an odd combination. But it gives Remus comfort.

“Gran,” He calls again when he doesn’t get an answer.

“Just a second, I’ll be with you now.” He relaxes at the sound of his grandmother’s voice and takes a seat in the lounge.

His grandmother steps in the room just a few seconds later. She’s a short women with the typical short white hair for woman of her age. “Hello dear,” she greets, leaning down to kiss her grandson on the cheek before sitting in her chair. “ How was college this week?”

Remus nods, putting his bag on the floor. “It was alright. I got a B on the French test I was telling you about.” There’s obvious disappointment in his voice.

“That’s brilliant, Remus. I don’t know why you’re speaking about it as if you failed it completely.”

He shrugs in response and gets the box of chocolates from his bag, leaning across to his grandmother to give them to her.

“How many times have I told you that you needn't get me anything?”

“I know, but I know that you like them.”

His grandma smiles, “Thank you.

The day is spend as it always is. They discuss how Remus is doing - how college is, if he has any exams or coursework deadlines coming up. If he’s got a boyfriend and if not maybe a girlfriend? Does he have enough money and does he need new clothes? His grandma is not the wealthiest of people, but she tries her best to provide for her grandson. Whether she is his legal guardian or not.

_Monday_

 

Mondays are the worst, is the thought that enters Remus’ mind as he exists his English class. His head hurts from staying up last night and the bags under his eyes are evidence of that fact. Not only that, but other contributing factors are that he hates his lecturer, and that Lucius Malfoy is an absolute dick head that needs to learn some manners. Remus understands that people are able to afford nice clothes that are from posh and expensive brands. That they don’t have to worry about keeping their phone topped up and making sure that their cupboards are full. But then again, Remus thinks, Lucius Malfoy is not in his situation. He is not living on his own at seventeen and only has one family member left. But, that doesn’t mean that the blond haired git has the right to call Remus names and throw things at him. Or purposely make him seem like an idiot. Remus wishes that one of his friends had of taken this class, but with people like Lucius in it, he’s glad they didn’t. He supposes it would be okay if the lecturer cared. But here’s the thing; he laughs when Lucius throws things at Remus. He snickers at the jokes which are made at Remus’ expense. He encourages it.

The brunette heads down to the cafeteria and sits with his group of friends. Marlene and Dorcas.

“How was your weekend?” Dorcas asks, looking up from her folder.

Remus nods, and is instantly reminded of Sirius. “It was alright. How was yours?” “You know, nothing special. Mum went shopping, dad went to work, I went out with Benjy.”

“What about you, Marlene?” Marlene raises her head from where it was in her arms. She looks just as rough as Remus. “Mum’s officially divorced..”

Remus is up and out of his seat as soon as he sees clear liquid form in Marlene’s eyes. He sits next to her and takes her into his arms, hand resting against the back of her head as she pushes her weight against Remus.

Alice comes to the table a few seconds later with two takeout cups. “Craving caffeine?” Remus teases. She rolls her eyes and puts one of the takeout cups in front of Remus.

Remus takes it without asking why she got it for him. He knows the answer. He does however ask, “How did you know to get me one?”

“Because you’re never late from class. You always come here at this time.”

“It’s true, I never come late.” Remus smirks.

“You’re terrible.” Marlene says as she sits up, wiping his eyes.

“No, I’m Remus.”

Marlene rolls her head, Alice shakes her head and Dorcas hands Remus his French notes (before giving him fist bump for his innuendo.)

It’s nice, Remus decides. To have some normality in his life.

The rest of his day goes without fuss, him and Dorcas go to their French lecture at quarter past twelve. He finds out that he got the best score on the French test. His math lecture is cancelled due to the lecturer being away so he eats lunch with Marlene and Alice before going to library and doing coursework until four - the time that the buses start turning up. He waits outside the gates to the bus bay with Dorcas. Marlene and Alice get lifts home. Benjy stands with them when they’ve been there for a few minutes, and immediately Remus finds himself feeling a lot like a third wheel. As if Dorcas and Benjy don’t even know he’s there. They’re so wrapped up in each other that Remus wonders if he’s forgotten about completely. When the gates open, they do not return his goodbye and he gets on the bus rather annoyed. As always, he chooses to sit at the front. The seats are in twos and threes - three seaters are on the side that the driver sits on. He seats himself behind the driver and next to the window. People get on after him and Remus tries his best to ignore the looks thrown his way as music plays through his headphones.

The rest of his week follows suit. Lectures, breaks, coursework, buses. He gets paid Tuesday, a day late but he can’t find himself caring because he actually has money. He tops his phone up and pays his rent, which he’s glad isn’t near as much as other people pay. On Thursday night, he gets an email telling him that his lecture on Friday has been cancelled. Remus is annoyed - he has to go in when he’s ill but a lecturer has a cold? At least a week off. It’s ridiculous. But Remus is glad that he can have a longer sleep and as he has money, he can go into town to get himself clothes.

_Friday_

Remus sleeps in until ten o’clock. It’s earlier than he would of liked, but he woke up in a good mood, so he doesn’t let it bother him. He eats a quick breakfast of dry toast and chucks on a pair of ripped jeans and a top that’s nearly too small but he can’t afford to throw out. He puts on the jacket that should have been thrown away ages and his feet are in shoes that are almost a size too small. But, his good mood stays with him. He gets to town by half eleven and the first shop he goes in is the charity shop.

It’s a small shop with rails of clothes and shelves of books, DVDs and CDs. Remus has to pull his eyes away from the books. Clothes are a priority today. He looks through the clothes and comes across a few shirts that are to his liking. They’re only a pound each and unlike his other clothes, they don’t look as if they need to be thrown away. Next he rummages through clothes for a pair of jeans. He manages to find two pairs that he tries on and they fit him perfectly. He purchases them and the clothes, before daring to look at the shoes. All the shoes are either too big or too small, and for once Remus wants to have a pair that don’t make his feet hurt. For once he’s being fussy. He leaves the shop with the clothes in his rucksack and heads over to Primark. He rarely shops at Primark because the shop is always full of people and it makes him feel nervous. Today, however, he would like shoes that are his. That haven’t had a previous owner. He walks inside and has to force himself to keep going. The air is warm. It’s stuffy and smells like sweat. Remus weaves his way through all the people - a lot of people are there considering it’s a weekday. He gets to the boys section and picks a pair of black sneakers. They’re only five pounds, and when he checks the sticker, it turns out that the shoes are buy one get one free. Clearance sale. That also explains the amount of people. He gets two pairs - the black ones as well as a pair of maroon ones. He also picks a couple of pairs of socks and pushes himself to buy a hoodie that was on sale as well, for just five pounds. Altogether it comes to thirteen pounds, which means that Remus has spent (including his bus fare and the things from the charity shop) a total of twenty three pounds. He has twenty seven pounds left. The spare change in his wallet makes him wonder if a certain constellation named boy is around.

He walks from Primark up the streets and past the little coffee shop to find that yes. Sirius is stood there, outside Waterstones. Remus feels a twist of nerves in his stomach and tries to ignore it. He’s got nothing to be nervous about.

“Hey,” His voice is so small and shy that Remus wants to be able to take it back. But Sirius is already looking at him with that smile. “Hey there, werewolf.”

Remus’ cheeks turn scarlet. His body is not on his side today, by the looks of it. “Made much today?”

Sirius shakes his head. “People are not appreciating the talent that I have.” He laughs. “Did you manage to avoid the rain on Saturday? It started almost as soon as you left.”

“I wish. I ended up walking home in it.”

“Were the buses not running?”

“Yeah but I enjoyed the walk.” Remus lies.

“But it rained..”

“Yeah but-”

Sirius catches on. “Oh my god. I took your last bit of money, didn’t I? Oh god I’m sorry, let me get you something? I’m sure I’ve made enough today to get you a drink or something.” Sirius leans down to get the money from his hat but Remus holds his upper arm and pulls him back up. “You will do no such thing. Let me buy you a drink though.”

Sirius is silent for a few moments before speaking, “Yeah, alright then. Thank you.” He packs up his guitar and pockets his money, sliding the beanie over his hair.

Remus notices the height difference much more when they’re walking. Remus also feels, someway.. empowered. He’s taller, he’s the one buying Sirius a drink, he’s actually got money for once. It’s weird, he knows. But he’s glad that he can get something for Sirius. He probably hasn’t had anything to eat or drink all day. Remus takes him to a cafe that is owned and run by Marlene’s mother. She always let Remus have a free drink and sandwich if he can’t afford one. And even then she gives it to him at a discounted price. They enter the cafe and everyone looks at them as they make there way to the counter. Their eyes are full of disgust. Sirius must notice this too, because he steps closer to Remus. The back of their hands touch. Remus tries to ignore it, along with his heart speeding up.

Marlene’s mum is at the counter, and always she greets Remus with a smile. Although she looks exhausted and run down. “Hey Remus, who’s this?”

“This is Sirius,” Remus smiles. He can’t think before the next words leave his lips, “my friend.”

“Well it’s nice to meet you Sirius. Remus, would you like your usual but two of them?”

“Yeah, I can pay today though.”

“No no, sit down. This ones on the house.”

Remus nods, he knows better than to argue with the woman. Especially given what Marlene told him. He sits down at a table, and Sirius sits opposite him with his guitar case resting against the wall. “Friends, is it?” Sirius teased.

“I, well,”

“I’m joking, It’s appropriate. I guess we are friends. Now that you’re taking me out for food and all.” Sirius winks.

“Something like that.” Remus laughs. “Do you like hot chocolate?”

“Yeah, it’s nice. Why?”

“That’s part of my ‘usual’.”

“Ah okay. If I can ask, how do you get this for free? Is she your relative or something?”

Something emotionally hits Remus, an emotion he can’t work out. But he answers instead of trying to work it out and lingering on it, “No, she’s a friend’s mum. I don’t have a lot of money so she lets me have stuff for free,” he’s going red, “But I got money on Tuesday so I was going to pay for us but she never really lets me. Or I pay at discounted prices.”

Sirius nods, “Do you work?”

“I don’t. I get money for going to college and other benefits.”

“You’re on benefits?”

Remus nods, “I live alone.”

“Oh,” Sirius says. He says it again when he realizes, “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Remus says with a weak laugh.

“I’m sorry. I should have realized..”

“It’s fine. I don’t expect you to know about my.. situation.” He cringes at the word.

The conversation is cut by a server coming over and giving the two boys a cup of hot chocolate each, as well as a toasted ham and cheese sandwich. They both thank the server before starting to eat.

“This is amazing,” Sirius comments with half of his mouth stuffed with food.

Remus smiles, “It is.”

They both eat their sandwiches with little conversation. When Sirius is finished, Remus can’t help but notice he looks guilty. “Sirius I really don’t mind this. It isn’t a problem - and I didn’t even pay for this.”

Sirius doesn’t look Remus in the eyes when he speaks, “Yeah. I guess.”

Remus doesn’t say another word. He finishes his sandwich and the two of them finish their drinks before walking out of the cafe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for having such a shitty ending. I was going to add a bit in to make it a cliffhanger but I keep changing my mind about the plot. So I'll add it in if I go with a certain plot. Honestly, so many plots and only one fanfiction. The difficulties, hey?
> 
> Any thoughts/comments/feedback are welcome. If you want to get in touch with me, my tumblr is jilyaredeaddoe.tumblr.com.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a mini chapter, really. This is basically the ending of the last chapter that I didn't write, and so I thought it would be nice to do as a separate, small chapter.

As they leave the shop, raindrops start to fall from the sky. Typical England. Remus looks at Sirius, noticing that he does not have a hood. Without batting an eyelash, Remus puts his bag down and puts his jacket over Sirius. “I know somewhere we can go,” he tells the other.

They walk in silence, Sirius wearing Remus’ jacket with the hood over his head. People are rushing around, going into shops for shelter. Some are covered by hoods and others are supplied with umbrellas. The back of their hands keep brushing, and neither do anything about it. By the time they get to where Remus wants to go, they’re wet. But not nearly as soaked as Remus was just last Saturday. Remus pushes the door open and lets Sirius go in first before walking in after him. It’s a record shop, that Remus has brought them too. It sells vinyl disks, tapes, CDs, everything.

“It’s nice in here,” Sirius comments and lowers the hood, looking around the shop.

Vinyl disks are stuck to the wall and pictures of people such as Joan Jett and Elvis Presley are everywhere. We are the champions blasts through the speakers and the girl at the counter looks down at the magazine sat on the counter. Her hair’s black and tidied up with a bandana. Her tattooed arms are shown off by the sleeveless top she’s wearing.

“Yeah, I come here sometimes.” Remus smiles. “My friend works here on weekends.”

Sirius nods before following Remus over to the CDs. He lets out a small yawn and rubs his eye, earning himself a look off Remus. The brunette gives Sirius a smile before going back to looking at the CDs.

They leave the shop a few minutes after when the rain has stopped. Remus bought two new CDs. But Sirius was too stuck in his thoughts to know what bands or singers they were of. Heck, for all he knew they could be audiobooks. But he isn’t sure if a music store would sell them. Would they? As they walk, their hands are rubbing against each other again. Back to back. Knuckle against knuckle. Remus takes a deep breath before moving his hand to hold Sirius’. He’s sure Sirius is going to take his hand away. To freak out and call Remus names. So when Sirius puts his finger between Remus’ as if they do it all the time, Remus untenses. He dares himself to look at Sirius, and he’s so glad that he does so. Because Sirius is wearing the sweetest smile he’s ever seen. All white teeth that shine and lips that are light pink.

“Where do you want to go next?”

“Up to you, Remus.”

Before Remus can answer, or even take another step, there’s a little ‘ding’ from Sirius’ pocket. With his unoccupied hand, Sirius pulls out a nokia - a brick phone, if you will.

“You have a phone?” Remus furrows his eyebrows.

Sirius looks up at Remus and licks his lips. “You know how I said I’m homeless?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, I’m not.”

Remus gives a little laugh, like he expects Sirius to start laughing with him because it’s a joke. When Sirius doesn’t laugh, Remus pulls his hand away.

Sirius looks at his feet, “I mean, no, I don’t have a home. I stay at a homeless shelter for the youth. The reason I busk is because I like having a bit of money - even if it’s just a little bit. Just enough so that I can top my phone up. Admittedly, I don’t know why I do so. I don’t have anyone to text. But I guess, it gives me a sense of normality.. does that make sense?”

Remus nods.

“And, I’m sorry I lied. If you don’t want to talk to me again, I understand that..”

Remus looks at Sirius and with two fingers pushes his chin up so they’re eye to eye. “Don’t be daft, I still want to talk to you.” He slides his hand into Sirius’, “And now you do have someone to text.”


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two dorks, teasing, and a asthma attack.

A smile finds its way to Sirius’ lips. He wraps his arms around Remus and his nose presses into the taller boy’s shoulder. Remus’ hands lay on the back of Sirius’ back and the back of his head. Sirius breathes through his nose, inhaling Remus’ scent as he does so. Remus smells of cheap deodorant and chocolate. It’s oddly nice. They both pull back after a few seconds and their hands fall into the routine of pressing against each other.

“I just want to ask, if you don’t have anyone to text, who just text you?”

Sirius looks at his phone and laughs, “Three.”

“Ah, okay. Anywhere you want to go?” Remus asks.

Sirius shakes his head, “No where to really go, is there?”

“We can always just walk around?” Remus suggests. “Maybe get to know each other.”

“Alright,” Sirius nods and start to walk. “Full name?” He looks up at Remus.

“Remus John Lupin.”

“John? I didn’t expect that.”

Remus looks at Sirius, “What did you expect?”

“Well seeing as your name basically screams ‘I’M A WEREWOLF’ already, I thought it may be something like.. oh I don’t know… Full Moon? Or Twilight?”

"Git.” Remus laughs, “What’s yours?”

“Sirius Orion Black.”

“Orion? Well, isn’t someone just a complete star.”

Sirius snorts, “It’s better than John.”

“Better than John? At least my name doesn’t scream ‘I’M A STAR CONSTELLATION OH MY GOD I AM SO TUMBLR.’”

Sirius is laughing, “It doesn’t scream that!”

“It really does,” Remus is smiling the easiest smile he has in a long time.

“Whatever,” Sirius teases. “But John, who names their child with that name? Name me one guy who was cool and called John.”

“John Watson.”

“TV or books?”

“Both?..”

Sirius hums, “Fine. I’ll give you that one.”

“Next question, age.”

“Seventeen. Yourself?”

“Same here.”

Sirius nods his head. “Okay, and shoe size?”

“Why do you want to know my shoe size?”

“Why won’t you tell me your shoe size?”

Remus rolls his eyes but the smile is still on his lips, “Size eleven. Your feet?”

“Eleven?!” Sirius nearly screeches. “You are a werewolf!”

“Oh shush.”

“My feet are only a size six.”

“Awe,” Remus teases and pinches Sirius’ cheek with his hand. “Little feet.”

“Shove off.” Sirius blushes and tries to bat Remus’ hand away.

The two walk for a while, getting to know each other and making jokes out of one another. Sirius finds out that Remus has a thing for chocolate, that he visits his grandma every Sunday - without fail, that all of his friends in college are girls (Benji is mentioned but Remus isn’t keen on him, apparently), that he is obsessed with the band Twenty One Pilots, and may or may not of cried when My Chemical Romance split up (he definitely did). Remus learns that Sirius left home when he was sixteen due to him and his parents not getting on. He apparently did have a place to stay but that’s a story that he rather not get into, so Remus doesn’t push it. He also learns that Sirius had singing and guitar lessons when he was younger, and that he also did ballet up until he was eleven due to his parents wanting him to have some sort of athletic ability. Other things that are found out about the boys are that they have a common love for the Sherlock series (there are a few TVs in the homeless shelter, and Sirius was able to watch it), cookie dough ice cream, and ironically, they both like dogs better than cats.

“Alright how do you feel about..” Sirius is now asking a question. “Bowling.”

“It’s alright, why?”

“Well the shoes are always so big.. but they must fit you perfectly.” He’s grinning at Remus.

“You’re horrible,” Remus laughs. “What do you think about it?”

“It’s alright. Bit boring really.”

They walk around for a few more minutes until Sirius realizes something. He stops and pats his back. It isn’t there. He forgot his guitar in the cafe. Shit.

He turns to look at Remus, “We have to go back.”

“Back to?..”

“The cafe!” Sirius exclaims as if Remus should know. “I forgot my guitar!”

Remus’ eyes widen. They’re a good half an hour away from the cafe now, and it’ll be shutting soon. “Right, come on.”

They start running together to get back to the cafe in time. Remus’ heavy bag is hitting his back as he does so, and after a few minutes, his asthma is kicking in. His chest is tightening and he’s got to stop. He does so, bending over with his hands on his knees. He’s taking deep breaths but he can’t catch his breath properly. The last thing he wants, or needs, is an asthma attack. Especially when he was dumb enough to not bring his inhaler with him. He starts wheezing, and Remus has to fight back tears. He can’t breath and he wishes that he had born without all his shitty problems, even if asthma is a small problem compared to his others. He looks up and sees that Sirius is rushing over. People rarely wear such a look of concern for Remus.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Sirius kneels down in front of Remus, looking up him and resting his hands over Remus’.

“Can’t,” Remus wheezes and a tear roll down his cheek, “breath.”

“Okay, listen, it’ll be okay.” Sirius stands up and gets Remus to straighten out his posture. He puts Remus’ hands on the back of his head, “Take a deep breath in,” Remus does just that. “And now breath out. Nice and deep. Repeat until your breathing is back to normal.”

Remus starts doing so, and he doesn’t have the energy to block out everyone’s strange looks at him. So he focuses on Sirius’ face. Sirius is smiling at him, and after a few minutes, Remus can breath properly. Sirius takes his hand as soon as it’s by his side.

“Thanks.” Remus says shyly. “But what about your guitar?”

“Your health is more important than my guitar.”

“You’re definitely named appropriately. You’re just a caring, adorable, little puppy.”

Sirius laughs, and doesn’t bother trying to hide the blush on his cheeks. “Alright. If I’m that, then you’re a wolf cub, rather than a werewolf.”

“Do I still get to bite you?” Remus smirks.

Sirius laughs and pushes his face into Remus’ arm. “If you like.”

By the time they get to the cafe, it’s closing. Remus rushes in, and before he can even say a word, Marlene’s mother speaks. “Guitar’s where it was left. No one’s touched it.”

“Thanks.” Remus smiles.

Sirius gets his guitar and say thank you as well. He would be at a complete loss without with guitar.

“I think I’m going to go back to the shelter.” He tells Remus when they’re outside. “Maybe I could have your number?..”

“Of course, Sirius.”

Remus gives Sirius his phone number and vice versa. Before they go their separate ways, they hug one last time. Remus smells of chocolate, Sirius smells of apple shampoo. They pull back and walk in opposite directions - but neither of them are heading ‘home’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case I confuse anyone - Remus is going back to his flat, but he doesn't count it as his home. (It'll make more sense as the chapters go on.)


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mainly set in the style of texting.
> 
> Terrible nicknames, innuendos, and puns.

Remus steps onto the bus, showing the driver his ticket before taking a seat on the bus. He sits near the front, by the window and puts his bag next to him. His phone vibrates in his pocket.

_Sirius, 14:05_

_Hello, Remus Full Moon Lupin._

_Reply, to Sirius, 14:07_

_Hello, Sirius I AM SO TUMBLR PLEASE GIVE ME ATTENTION Black._

_14:08_

_It’s true. I want attention._

_14:11_

_I want attention, fame, and glory._

_14:12_

_You know me too well._

_14:14_

_I don’t know you that well._

_14:15_

_You know me better than anyone else._

_14:15_

_When did this conversation get so soppy?_

_14:21_

_When you entered._

_14:23_

_Was that an innuendo?_

_14;25_

_It can be anything you want it to be ;)_

_14:27_

_Wow. Anyway, are you at the shelter now?_

_14:31_

_Nah, bit of a long walk._

_14:32_

_I could of given you some money for a bus ticket._

_14:33_

_You’ve done enough for me. I don’t want to take advantage of you._

_14:35_

_(I am rolling my eyes at you)_

_14:38_

_(I am giving you puppy dog eyes)_

_14:41_

_sAP!1_

_14:45_

_Bad grammar/punctuation!_

_14:47_

_Cutie!_

_14:51_

_Not a bad thing! (Might be making me blush though.)_

_14:59_

_It’s my inner wolf. It has that effect on people. I can seduce you mortals._

_15:03_

_Blush does not equal seduced._

_15:07_

_But I have, haven’t I? ;)_

_15:09_

_Oh of course. I can hardly walk. My knees are weak for you. Take me now!_

_15:11_

_Nah not in the mood._

_15:12_

_Loser._

_15:14_

_Short ass._

_15:20_

_I AM NOT THAT SMALL._

_15:21_

_Itsy bitsy Sirius. So small you can fit him in your pocket. Buy from all your best retail stores!_

_15:25_

_Huge Remus! So big he won’t fit! Buy from all your best retail stores!_

_15:27_

_‘Retail stores’ .. ‘sex store!’_

_15:29_

_Oh my god._

_15:31_

_Phone’s dying but I’m nearly home. Though I have coursework to do, so I may not reply much until later._

_15:32_

_Alright. Ttyl._

Remus gets back to his flat and puts his phone in his bedroom. He hangs his new clothes up and puts his two new pairs of shoes in the cupboard. The shoes that are currently on his feet are taken off and thrown in the bin. He’s so glad that he finally has nice, comfortable, shoes. That actual fit. He makes himself a cup of tea before sitting on the couch with his laptop. The laptop’s old, and like most of the things he owns, second hand. But Remus doesn’t mind. It works, and he’s grateful that it was given to him. It’s Marlene’s old one, and he’s just glad that it isn’t pink. English literature is first. The task is to write a short story on the theme of love. Remus had bitten back a scoff in class when the task was set. What a bloody cliche. So Remus is going to write his with a twist. About a man and a woman who are in a bad situation and have to give up their son. Because they love him, and want his future to be bright. Because they love him and want the best for him. Because their situation is not ideal for them to raise a child. Because they love him. Remus was told not to make the story personal. To not have some sort of an emotional attachment to it. But Remus couldn’t help himself.

Remus doesn’t  text Sirius until he’s in bed that night. His coursework had taken longer than planned, but he got all of it done. Meaning that he could meet up with Alice tomorrow as planned, and see his grandma on Sunday. As Remus lays in bed, just about to go to sleep as Sirius hasn’t text him back (Remus thinks he’s probably fallen asleep), his phone vibrates.

_23:04_

_Hey, McWerewolf._

_23:07_

_What’s up, vain dog?_

_23:08_

_Just had a shower. Yourself?_

_23:10_

_Just got into bed. Did all my coursework so I’m pretty tired, may fall asleep on you._

_23:11_

_Well wouldn’t that be cute?_

_23:12_

_Shush._

_23:14_

_Never. Make sure to dream of me._

_23:15_

_You’re so cocky over text. But I saw you blush today._

_23:18_

_Prove it._

_23:21_

_Where’s the fun of that?_

_23:23_

_.. I don’t think that made sense. What coursework did you have?_

_23:25_

_English lit (write a story), English language (analyze an article), and maths (completing equation booklet)._

_23:27_

_Maths? And English?_

_23:28_

_As well as physics and French (though the physics is only for this year and then I’m going to drop it)._

_23:30_

_You’re incredibly smart, aren’t you?_

_23:32_

_Nah. I just want to make sure I make my grandma proud and that I get qualifications._

_23:34_

_I don’t think there are anything wrong with those reasons. But I mean, you have to be pretty smart to do four classes and such._

_23:35_

_Yeah, I suppose. What’re you doing?_

_23:37_

_Just in bed. Uncomfy bed. Busking tomorrow again._

_23:38_

_I would come and see you but I have plans, sorry :(_

_23:42_

_It’s alright. And besides, it’s hard for me to keep my concentration on my singing/guitar playing when there’s such a pretty face watching me._

_23:47_

_How do you even make me blush so much, what even. If you have some sort of inner power, I need to know. You’re making my inner wolf weak and shy. Rude._

_23:51_

_Well it isn’t my fault that you have such a beautiful face and soft hands. Or that you’re so lovely and adorable. Or that you smell of chocolate. None of that’s my fault and I must act upon the feelings you give me._

_23:52_

_I give you feelings?_

_23:53_

_Maybe.. Idk. Butterflies, if you will._

_23:57_

_Good, because the feeling’s mutual._

_23:58_

_If I can ask, and you don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable, what’s your sexual orientation?_

_00:04_

_It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, no worries. I’m not really sure what my sexual orientation is. I like guys, but I like girls. But I like guys more, but somedays I think that I’m straight? But then I realize that I’m anything but straight. So, I like to use the term queer. That is my sexual orientation. Yours? If you don’t mind me asking._

_00:07_

_No I don’t mind you asking me, I mean, I don’t expect you not to ask if I ask you. I’m rambling. Sorry, you’ll get use to that. I’m gay._

_00:08_

_I like how yours is so straightforward and mines all.. not._

_00:11_

_There’s nothing straight about me._

_00:15_

_(eye roll) okay it’s getting late and if I’m late tomorrow Alice will have my head. Sleep well, Sirius._

_00:16_

_Was that some type of pun for Alice In Wonderland?_

_00:17_

_Possibly._

_00;18_

_Tim Burton did an amazing job with that film. I don't know where he got all the ideas from._

_00:19_

_Please tell me you're joking._

_00:21_

_Wh_ _at?_

_00:22_

_Alice In Wonderland was originally a book by Lewis Carroll._

_00:24_

_IT WAS A BOOK FIRST?!_

_00:25_

_Oh. My. GOD. I am giving you some of my books to borrow. I can't believe you didn't know it was a book first!_

_00:27_

_Whoops?_

_00:29_

_Whoops indeed. Goodnight, McDogget._

_00:31_

_McDogget? Wow. Goodnight Wolfie._


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A super dorky tradition and more emo trash Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There seems to be a lot of texting happening with this fanfiction, and although this isn't a texting fic (that's what I'm telling myself, anyway) the texting is important so, yeah.

_Saturday_

Remus walks into the retro styled diner with Alice, the two of them dressed up as if they’re from the 50’s. They do this once a month, but usually it’s all four of them. But Marlene had to go see her dad, and Dorcas had a date with Benji. Remus is dressed in a leather jacket, black jeans, and a white top. He’s wearing the black pair of sneakers he bought yesterday, and he’s happy that they fit comfortably and do not pinch his feet. Alice is wearing black and white dress that’s in the style of the 50’s fashion. She bought it last year for her aunt's wedding. Her legs are bare and her feet are covered by black pumps. Remus’ hair is gelled back giving him, as Alice calls it ‘that greaser look’, and Alice simply wears a hair band of black and white cloth fabric in her hair. They sit down in a booth for two, and Alice gets her purse out.

“Queen or Abba?”

“Mm,” Remus is already looking at the menu. “Queen.”

Alice nods, getting back up and going to the jukebox that's near their table.

The diner is in the style of a 50’s diner - like the one you see in Grease. But the music is stuff from the early 60s up to the late 90s. The tradition of them coming here once a month started back when they were twelve. Alice’s mother would always pay for Remus’ food, which Remus was always grateful for but he had wished that he wasn’t in his situation so he didn’t have to have other people’s parents pay for him. The first time they came here was for Alice’s birthday. The dressing up didn’t happen until a few months ago, though. Dorcas had said that she thought it would be a nice touch, and Remus knew better than to go against an idea that his three best friends wanted.

 _Crazy little thing called love_ plays and Alice goes back to the booth. She gets a menu before speaking, “I think Frank’s going to ask me out soon.”

Remus smiles, “About time.”

“I know I keep saying it, but I really like him.” Alice says. Remus is still looking at the menu but he can hear the smile in Alice’s voice.

They order a large oreo milkshake to share, along with their meals. They both order chicken burgers with a side of garlic chips to share. The portions (including drink sizes) are big, and it’s more logical and saves money if they share.

“How many dates have you and Frank had now?”

“Three.”

“It’s got to be more than three.”

“Well, three dates and then we go to town together and.. stuff.”

Remus raises an eyebrow, “Stuff?”

Alice rolls her eyes, “Not like that.”

The milkshake comes over in a large silver flask, which is accompanied by two tall clear glasses with straws in them.

“Why do I have to do my hair like this? It makes my head itchy.” Remus goes to itch his head but Alice slaps his hand away. He pouts. “That was mean.”

“It’s what I do.” Alice grins at him, pouring some of the milkshake in her glass. “And to answer your question, it’s because it gives you-”

“The greaser look?”

“Exactly!” She takes a sip of the milkshake, “What did you do on your day off yesterday?”

“Nothing much.” Remus lies easily. “Went to town. Got some new clothes. How was college?”

“Boring, as usual.”

“How’s Marlene doing?”

“She’s alright. I think her mum wants her to get into some sort of extra activity outside of college.”

Remus nods, now pouring a glass of milkshake for himself. He wants to tell Alice about Sirius. He wants to tell her that even though he hardly knows him, he’s so lovely and Remus can tell he’s a kind person. He _knows_ he’s a kind person. He wants to tell Alice about how Sirius’ hands are kinda rough but adorably petite. How (Remus only just realized this) Sirius still has his jacket. And now Remus’ thoughts start to turn to Sirius wearing Remus’ jacket. With the sleeves covering his hands so the ends are all bunched up. With the hood on his head and Sirius wearing that all white, straight teeth smile. He gets his phone out and texts Sirius.

_12:35_

_You still have my hoodie._

_12:37_

_Oh I know._

_12:37_

_You do?_

_12;40_

_Yep. I didn’t take it off until I got into bed._

_Remus’ cheeks go red, and he’s glad that Alice is too preoccupied with her own phone to notice._

_12:41_

_I’m not sure how to reply to that._

_12:42_

_New subject: I’m bored._

_12:43_

_Maybe you could read? sO THAT YOU KNOW THAT ALICE IN WONDERLAND WAS ORIGINALLY BOOK?!_

_12:44_

_Nah. Yawn, boring._

_12:45_

_What about watching a film?_

_12:48_

_All the televisions are being watched. And I don’t feel like watching a documentary on fishing, American Idol reruns, or Supernatural._

_12:51_

_Go on the computers?_

_12:55_

_I don’t want to move._

_12:57_

_Lazy ass._

“Who’re you texting?”

Remus looks up, “Oh. No one. Who were you texting?”

“Frank, he wants to know what I want to see tomorrow night. We’re going to the cinema.”

“Let me guess, Cinderella?”

“You guessed correctly.”

Their food comes, and the little conversation turns into no conversation. Remus doesn’t text Sirius and Alice doesn’t text Frank as they begin on their meals. The food is glorious, cooked well and flavoured perfectly. The chicken is tender, the lettuce crunchy, the buns soft. Remus eats half of it before switching to the chips.

“How’s your grandma?” Alice asks after a bite of her burger.

Remus nods his head, swallows his mouthful and speaks, “She’s good. I’m going to see her tomorrow.”

“As always.” Alice smiles.

“As always.”

“Do you want to come back to mine after this?”

Remus knows what Alice is doing. She’s asking him to come back to her’s, he’ll say yes, she’ll make him stay late, and then Alice’s mum will insist on him staying the night. It’s because Alice doesn’t like Remus being on his own all the time. Marlene and Dorcas do this as well. This is not the first time.

“We’ll have to go back to my flat first to grab my stuff.”

“Why would we-”

“Because if I’m staying at yours, I need my stuff.” Remus smirks. “If you want me to stay at yours, just ask. You don’t need to trick me.”

Alice’s cheeks turn scarlet. “I just don’t want you to think I’m doing it out of pity. I’m doing it because-”

“You care. I know.”

“Do you enjoy-”

“Finishing your sentences? Yes, it’s fun.”

Alice shoots him a playful glare, and they both go back to eating.

Remus pays for both of their food when Alice is in the bathroom, and doesn’t let her give him the money when she comes out. They get into Alice’s car, which is a nice change from the bus for Remus.

“Glad to have your car back?”

Alice nods and starts her car, “I missed it.” She laughs.

Remus opens the glove compartment and looks through Alice’s CDs. _Red, Believers Never Die, The Black Parade, Frozen Soundtrack, Now That’s What I Call 89, Now That’s What I Call 78, Greatest Disney Hits._

“Your music taste confuses me.” Remus huffs.

“Good.”

Remus ends up putting the _Frozen Soundtrack_ on, because Alice is a huge Disney fan and _The Black Parade_ is too emotional for Remus to listen to.

 _Love is an open door_ blasts through the car stereo, and Remus sings the lines of Anna and Alice sings the lines Hans. A few seconds later, they’re in the parking lots of the accommodations of flats where Remus lives.

“Do you want me to come into your flat, or should I wait in the car?”

“Just wait in the car. I won’t be long.”

Remus exits the car, uses his key to open the door of the building, and takes the stairs up to his flat on the second floor. He goes into his flat, and packs a bag. He packs his pyjamas, clean clothes for tomorrow, toiletries, his phone charger, and CDs that he actually likes.

“I brought decent music.” He tells Alice as he gets back in the car,

“You know I got _Believers Never Die_ and _The Black Parad_ e for you.”

“Yes, but I don’t want to listen to Fall Out Boy and you know My Chem makes me cry.”

“You’re a wimp.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever.”

Remus puts in _Vessel_ in the car, sits back, and listens.

Alice’s mother, as always, does not have a problem with Remus staying the night (Remus is sure that they arranged it behind his back). When they're upstairs, they do what all teenagers do when they’re together. Phones.

Remus has five unread messages from Sirius.

_13:05_

_I like being a lazy ass._

_13:23_

_Remuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus._

_13:41_

_R.U.D.E_

_13:59_

_I’m keeping your hoodie. It’s all mine. Ha._

_14:07_

_REMUS COME BACK._

Remus snorts at the texts, before replying.

_14:11_

_Awe you missed me. And you can have my hoodie, if you really want it._

_14:12_

_Seriously?_

_14:13_

_Siriusly._

_14:15_

_Puns with my name are not appreciated._

_14:17_

_Awe. What can I do to make it up to you?_

_14:20_

_Tell me something embarrassing._

_14:21_

_Alright. Well, you know Grease?_

_14:23_

_The film? Of course I know that film._

_14:25_

_I look a bit like Danny at the moment._

_14:27_

_Why?_

_14:31_

_Me and my friends have this tradition of going to this retro diner and dressing up like people from the 50’s._

_14:32_

_You’re all dorks. But it sounds rad._

_14:37_

_Yeah it’s pretty awesome._

“Okay, I text Marlene and Dorcas and they said you’re not texting them. Who’re you texting and why are they making you smile so much?” Alice asks with a smile.

Remus looks up, “I know other people.”

“Do you have a boyfriend? Maybe a girlfriend?”

“Nope. I have a none-of-your-business.”

“So you do have a someone.”

Remus shakes his head and slides his phone into his pocket. “Changing the subject,” he gets up and walks over to Alice’s DVD shelf. “I want to watch a film.”

“Alright. There’s some horrors there that mum gave me.”

Remus scans the titles of the DVDs, picking _The Nightmare On Elmstreet_. “Have you watched this one?”

“No, but I don’t think it’s very scary. We can watch it though.”

“Oh it’s a terrible film. But it has young Johnny Depp, and that’s an opportunity I’m not passing off.”

“I like your thinking,” Alice gets off her bed, “I’m going to go and get a drink. Want anything?”

“Water’s fine.”

They watch the film, followed by the second and third in the movie series. Neither of them touch their phones, leaving them charge instead. When the third film is over, Remus groans.

“Alice. Hungry. Food.”

“Remus. Hungry. Kitchen. Go.”

“Alice. What do you want.”

“Remus. Food.”

Remus laughs and gets up, “Do you want me to see if you have pizza?”

“We do. There’s chicken pizza, and vegetable there too.”

“Share the chicken one?”

Alice nods, “Share the chicken one.”

And that’s what they do. They have the chicken pizza before Remus goes for a shower (which he says thank you for at least ten times).

“I’ll drop you to your grandma’s tomorrow.” Alice says as Remus walks back in after his shower.

“What? No, you don’t need to do that.”

“But I’m going to.”


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for attempt of self harm, homophobia/homophobic language, bullying/violence.

Wednesday

“So, mum says that you had a date on Friday.” Marlene grins, looking at Remus from across the table. “Details, loverboy.”

Remus’ cheeks go red as soon as Marlene speaks. He’s sat at a table in the canteen with Dorcas and Marlene, Alice is due back from her lecture any minute.

“A date?” Dorcas asks and wiggles her eyebrows. She’s sat next to Marlene.

“It wasn’t a date.” Remus replies, looking down at his open book and scratching the back of his neck with bitten down nails. “It was just a friend. I do have friends other than you guys.”

“Oh someone’s sassy.” Dorcas grins, leaning over and poking Remus’ nose.

Remus looks at the two girls with a small smile. He can’t keep a straight face and he does the exact same thing when Marlene has a date or when Dorcas and Benji had started dated. But he still refuses to give them any information. “It was just a friend. Really.”

“If you say so.” Marlene smiles.

_12:32_

_How’s college?_

“Did his phone just buzz?” Marlene and Dorcas smirked at each other.

“Will you two stop?”

_12:33_

_It’s alright. Gave my work in for English. And now I’m sat with Marlene and Dorcas. Busking today?_

_12:34_

_Not today. What lectures do you have today?_

_12:36_

_Had English. Physics soon. I’ll go to the library then. Start researching stuff for classes._

_12:38_

_Yeah? What classes do you have to do research for?_

_12:41_

_English. Rather than do it tonight, I’ll do it in college time so that way I don’t have a lot to do tonight. Nothing, actually. I can just relax._

“He’s in love.” Marlene teased.

“Who’s he in love with?” Alice asks as she sits next to Remus.

“No one.” Remus looks up and puts his phone in his pocket. “No one at all.”

“Some guy he had a date with on Friday.”

“You had a date?!” Alice exclaims and pokes Remus in the arm. “I knew it wasn’t just a friend you were texting!”

“So, what’s he like?”

“It was not a date.” Remus replies. “Can we please just leave it?”

“Don’t like being asked details about your romantic date?”

“I don’t like what was two friends hanging out suggested to being more.”

“Because it was more!”

Remus checks his phone, he’s got ten minutes until his physics class. He stands up, putting his books in his bag and his phone in his pocket.

“You have ten minutes yet.” Dorcas says. “You don’t need to go yet.”

“But I do.” Remus replies and puts his bag on his back. “I’ll see you later.”

“Are we still on for meeting in the library?” Marlene asks.

“Of course. Don’t worry.” He smiles at her before leaving the canteen.

There are two ways he can get to his physics class from where he’s stood in the reception (which is where the doors of the canteen lead to). He can turn left and up two steps and walk down the corridor and his physics class is the second door. Or he can go the longer way. Given that he has a little bit of time, he decides on walking the longer way. He turns right and within a few steps he’s outside. It’s a chilly day and Remus puts his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. Not many people are outside, Wednesday is a day where not a lot of people have many lectures. So most of them are at home or in the canteen or common room. Remus continues to walk outside, but then he realises that he’s got to walk past the area that Lucius and his ‘crew’ hang around. Remus checks his phone - five minutes til physics. No time to walk back and make it in time. He’ll be okay, he’s sure. And Lucius’ probably at home. And his ‘crew’ are too scared to do anything on their own. So Remus walks on, but he regrets it as soon as blond haired and black haired people come into sight. Lucius and Bellatrix. Joyus.

“Where’re you going, faggot?” Lucius asks as Remus walks closer to them. They’re walking close to him too.

Remus doesn’t say anything and keeps his head down. But this doesn’t seem to be good enough for the other two, because suddenly they’re in front of him and Bellatrix’s hand is on his chest. “Are you stupid? He asked you a question.”

Remus looks up at them. There’s fear in his eyes. They both begin to smirk. “To class.” His voice is shaking.

Lucius shakes his head, “I don’t think you are.” Just like Remus’ fear, Lucius’ smirk grows bigger.

“Please, I just need to get to my class.” If he runs he’ll make it in time. If he runs they’ll catch him.

Lucius speaks, “We’re not done with you yet.”

“Do you know how wrong it is to a homosexual?” Bellatrix speaks as if she’s just drunk something out of date.

It’s obvious to Remus that they’ve planned this out. He steps forward, trying to get passed them and get to class. Anywhere away from those two. But they must of prepared for this because both of them grab one of Remus’ shoulders and throw him to the floor. He falls backward, on his butt with his hands by his side. Little stones dig into the palms of his hands.

“You didn’t think we saw that coming, did you?” Lucius laughs, before the front of his shoe comes into contact with Remus’ left hip. The hit is quick and sharp. Remus keeps his eyes on the ground as pain starts its course in his hip.

“Unlike you, we’re not stupid.” It’s now Bellatrix’s turn, and she kicks the right side of his waist. Remus grits his teeth at the kick but still does not look at either of them as he gets up. Both sides of his body are aching and he’s desperate to get away. He pushes his self up to his feet. He feels as if he's going to fall back down any minuet.

Lucius throws his fist into Remus’ cheek, and there is enough power behind the punch that it throws Remus back onto the floor. His jaw is in agony and he can taste blood. Remus knows he should do something. Anything. But if he runs, they’re just going to catch him. And he doesn’t know if he can run at all, the pain his body’s receiving is horrible. Especially his jaw. He knows not to fight back - he’s not strong, or at least not as strong as Lucius and Bellatrix. They’re both taller than Remus, and Lucius has been in karate lessons for years. He knows this because they went to primary together, and all he did was boast. All he does is boast. Remus is surprised he didn’t break his jaw. He keeps his eyes on the ground. He can’t find the energy to hold back tears. He cups his cheek. Even that hurts. The gentlest of touches.

“Your parents must be so proud,” Bellatrix starts. Remus knows she’s smirking.

“Oh wait, you don’t have any.” Lucius laughs.

It was common knowledge that Remus grew up with his grandmother until he was seven. And after that, due to his grandma becoming too sick to care for him, he was put into a care home.

Remus would clench his jaw if he wasn’t in so much agony. He’s mentally preparing himself for one of them to hurt him again. But they don’t.

Lucius, however, does lean down and whisper to Remus’ ear, “Same time next week?”

The two walk off, and once out of sight, Remus allows himself to cry.

//

“I need to go home.” Remus tells the nurse after she’s giving him pain killers and an ice pack for his bruising jaw. She told him that it wasn’t broken, and she’s glad that they didn’t go for his ribs. Although she’s annoyed that any bullying had happened.

“I know that, and you’re sure you don’t know who did this to you?”

Remus shakes his head, avoiding making eye contact with the nurse. He stares at her desk. Telling her that it was Bellatrix and Lucius will only get Remus more beatings. There’s not a point. And this isn’t the first time anyway.

The nurse sighs, “You’re not covering for anyone are you?”

Remus shakes his head again.

“Very well then. I’ll explain to your physics teacher what happened. Make sure to rest up at home.”

“Thank you.” Remus speaks, exiting the nurse’s office.

_Alice_

_13:25_

_I need you to take me home._

_13:26_

_Shouldn’t you be in physics?_

_13:28_

_Yes. I’ll explain on the way to mine._

_13:33_

_Alright. I’ll meet you by my car._

_13:34_

_Okay._

When Remus gets to Alice’s car, Dorcas is stood with her.

“Oh my god.” Dorcas says when she sees Remus’ cheek. He expects it’s bruised more by now and he knows it’s swollen.

“Pretty, isn’t it?” Remus jokes weakly and licks over his lips.

Dorcas wraps her arms around Remus’ neck and pulls him into a hug. Remus’ arms wrap around Dorcas’ waist, and because she’s slightly shorter than him, he leans his head against Dorcas’ shoulder. Tears are welling up in his eyes and because it’s Dorcas (and Alice), he lets them. His hands grip the material of Dorcas’ shirt and when he sucks in his breath, his breath ends up hitching, and a sob manages to find its way out.

//

“Remus I really don’t think we should leave you alone when you’re like this.” Alice says, sitting next to Remus on the couch as Dorcas makes the three of them cups of tea.

Remus shrugs, knees folded up to his chest. “I don’t mind.”

Dorcas comes in, “We could stay the night.” She hands Remus and Alice their teas.

“You should both go back to college. You have a lecture, Dorcas. And Frank will be looking for you Alice.”

“You’re more than lectures.”

“And Frank.”

Remus sighs, his eyes are stinging and they’re red and puffy. “I just really want to be on my own.”

“But-”

“Alice please. Just leave me on my own.”

The two girls leave Remus on his own, although they still don’t think it’s a good idea. But Remus clearly isn’t in the mood for company. Once they’re gone, Remus boils the kettle. But it’s not for a cup of tea.

He stands in the kitchen as the kettle boils, his head full of thoughts. Thoughts about what was said about his parents. About how he doesn’t even know who his parents are.. His grandma always gets too emotional to talk about his mother, and all he knows about his mother is that she was young having Remus, that he has her eye colour, and that her name was Hope. He knows nothing about his father. Only that his grandma despises him.

The kettle makes a sound, which indicates to Remus that the kettle is boiled. He comes out of his thoughts and realizes he’s been crying silently. He reaches over to the kettle and sticks his arm out over the sink. He’s shaking. He goes to grab the handle of the kettle, but something convinces him not to.

“No.” He whispers to himself, moving away from the kettle and heading to his room.

He needs to rest, not to hurt himself more.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for mentions of self harm

Remus’ sleep is broken by nightmares that night. Horrible images and visions flashing everytime he closes his eyelids. Sweat drips from his forehead and the sheets of his bed are pushed off from tossing, turning and violent movements. His heartbeat is rapid and he has to catch his breath every time he awakes. When he can’t sleep because he has such great anxiety and fear, he just lays there with thoughts running around his head that he is too exhausted to push away. He welcomes them in. Lets them stay. Lets them win for the night.

In the morning, he calls the college to tell them that he can’t make it in. He makes the excuse that he has a bug, and the college suggest that he stays off until Monday. They don’t want anyone else getting the bug.

He lays in bed and tears start to form in his eyes. He’s so shocked at himself - that he was so close to relapsing yesterday. That he had nearly hurt himself for the first time in over a year. He knows that people do relapse, that it’s unfortunately a part of life. But that doesn’t stop him from feeling ashamed of himself. He doesn’t want to go back to how he was almost two years ago. He won’t go back to how he was..

His body is in pain. His jaw hurts from the smallest and gentlest of touches. It’s no longer swollen, but it’s bright purple and blue. Both his sides are hurting and his head is thumping - it hurts almost as much as his jaw. Lack of sleep is never something Remus can just walk off. It always makes him suffer.

Remus reaches over to grab his phone - from where he had placed it on his bedside table once he had rung college. He has multiple text messages from yesterday and last night.

_Sirius, 13:00_

_Good thinking._

_18:32_

_Okay I know you don’t have coursework.. are you okay?_

_18:35_

_Sorry I’m being stupid, You’re probably with friends or something. Have fun!_

_21:21_

_Okay I’m actually worried. I hope you’re okay. Get back to me maybe??_

_Alice_

_16:09_

_How are you?_

_16:35_

_Remus, stop it. You’re worrying me._

_18:00_

_Remus please just answer me._

_Dorcas_

_17:00_

_Remus, Alice is losing her shit. Text her back._

_21:00_

_Text us in the morning or I WILL skip my exam to come see you._

Remus takes a deep breath and wipes his eyes. He feels terrible that he let people worry about him. He’s been so selfish. He texts Alice and Dorcas back first, sending them the same message.

_08:23_

_Hey, I’m sorry that I didn’t get back to you yesterday. I really wasn’t in a good place yesterday after you guys left. It probably would of been better if you had of stayed last night. Don’t blame yourselves though, it was my fault. I won’t be in college until Monday - I told the college that I have a bug (which I obviously don’t). Have a good day in college, maybe see you later?_

He then texts Sirius.

_08:34_

_Hey, I’m sorry that I got you worried. Some things happened yesterday and I didn’t react well to them. I hope you’re okay._

After sending the text messages he goes in the shower. He stands there and lets the hot water run over his body. Through his hair, over his face, down his neck and over the rest of his body. He closes his eyes and enjoys the hot water. It’s mesmerising. It makes him relax and calm. It helps him with the anxiety that has been at the back of his mind since awakening and all the negativity. It all seems to leave his body and go down the drain with the water. He knows that when he comes out of the shower, they’ll be back and he’ll focus on them. But for now, whilst he washes, there are no problems.

He steps out of his shower half an hour later and dries off in his bedroom. He dresses in a pair of pyjama bottoms and a loose top. He forces himself to eat a bowl of cereal as he replies to the text messages on his phone.

_Alice, 08:45_

_Thank god you’re okay, I was worried sick. I’ll drop round after college, about two._

_Dorcas, 08:35_

_I’m glad you’re okay, do you want to meet up on the weekend?_

_Sirius, 08:45_

_What happened yesterday?_

_He texts Alice back, telling her that he would really appreciate seeing her later. He tells Dorcas that he might be able to see her Saturday. And then he replies to Sirius._

_09:10_

_Can I ring you?_

_09:14_

_Go ahead_

“Hey.”

“Hey, how’re you feeling?”

“After yesterday, not the best. How’re you?”

“I’m alright. More concerned about what happened with you though.”

Remus takes a deep breath, “It’s embarrassing.”

“Would it be easier to talk about in person?”

Remus takes a few seconds to answer, “Maybe. I think I could do with some company as well.”

“Alright. Well, how about I come to yours? I have enough money for a bus ticket.”

Remus licks over his lips before nodding - forgetting that Sirius can’t see him. “Okay. I live in the flats by Tesco.”

Sirius laughs, “That’s a bit of a vague description, but I think I know the where you’re on about. The ones near the park?”

“Yeah. The bus you need to get is the number four, it takes about twenty minutes to get to the bus stop, it’s the one just up the road from Tesco. Then it’s a ten minute walk. I’m in flat 18B, fifth floor.”

“Alright. I’ll be there in about.. an hour? Depending on buses and stuff.”

“Okay. And, thanks for offering to come to mine. I don’t want to leave my flat today.”

“I understand. See you in a bit, McWolf.”

Remus laughs a little, “See you Doge.”

Remus hangs up and after eating the rest of his cereal, he starts to clean up his apartment. The phone call didn’t really help with his head - and as he starts to clean, it gets worse and his sides are still in agony. But if Sirius is going to come here - which he is, Remus doesn’t want his flat to be a mess. His stomach has butterflies at the thought of Sirius actually being inside his flat. What are they going to do? They can’t just sit around and talk about what happened to Remus all day.

He tidies his kitchen up, putting dishes away and wiping down surfaces. He tidies the couch up and rearranges the pillows. He hoovers the floor in all of the rooms. The sound of the hoover makes his head even worse, and he stops for a few minutes to take a painkiller and have some water. He then makes sure there’s a clean towel in the bathroom, that the floor isn’t wet or dirty. By the time he’s finished, he’s exhausted. His body and head are in the most pain they have been so far since yesterday. He sits down on the couch and closes his eyes, deciding that he deserves a nap before Sirius arrives. But then the flat’s phone starts to ring.

“Hello?”

“I’m outside.”

“Alright, I’ll buzz you in.” He hangs up the phone and presses the button next to it that opens the door of the building. There’s a knock at his door in just a minute, and Remus opens it with a rapid beating heart and shaking hands.

Sirius is stood there with a smile on his face and a Tesco bag in his hand. His hair is tied back, making Sirius’ facial features stronger (and extremely attractive). He’s dressed in jeans and a hoodie - Remus’ hoodie.

“Can I come in? Or would you like to stare at me all day?”

Remus blushes, “Sorry. Come in.”

Sirius enters the flat and looks around the living room before seating himself on the couch. “Nice place.”

Remus sits himself next to Sirius, “It’s alright.”

He then starts to talk about what happened yesterday. He tells Sirius about Lucius and Bellatrix. What they did - what they said. He’s shocked by how disgusted Sirius looks as he tells him - it’s as if he knows the two personally. As if he’s going to take some vengeance. By the time Remus finishes talking, leaving out what he had nearly done yesterday with the kettle, he’s looking down at his hands in tears. Talking about it was definitely harder than he thought it was. He’s embarrassed that it happened at all, but now Sirius knows. The one person that Remus could have pretended to be normal with. And now it’s ruined.

Sirius is silent for a few seconds before he takes Remus into his arms. His arms slid under Remus’ arms, resting his hands on Remus’ back and pulling him in. Remus’ head leans against Sirius’ shoulder and his hands grab the material of Sirius shirt of his back. It’s different from hugging Alice, Dorcas or Marlene. And it’s definitely different from huffing his grandma. Sirius smells of Lynxs and his shirt is soft. Remus moves a bit closer and just wants to be able to curl up into Sirius. He closes his eyes and lets Sirius’ hand run over his back. Sirius’ other hand goes up and rests against Remus’ head. His nose rests against the top of Remus’ head and he closes his eyes. They stay like that for a few minutes, sitting and enjoying the presence of each other. It is Sirius who speaks first.

“How badly is your cheek hurting?”

Remus’ voice is hoarse as he replies, “A lot.”

“That’s understandable,” he says and pulls back a little, sliding his hand from the back of Remus’ head and under his chin, lifting his head up. “But at least you were strong enough not to harm yourself more.”

Remus’ bottom lip starts to tremble and he looks down, away from Sirius’ gaze, his hair falling in front of his eyes. He’s taken back into Sirius’ arms as soon as the sob falls from Remus’ lips.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Sirius whispers as the front of his shirt starts to get wet and the back of it is grabbed tightly. Sirius holds Remus as close to him as physically possible.

Remus’ cries are ugly. They’re loud and make Sirius’ ears hurt. And as sappy as it is, even though it’s a cliche, it makes Sirius’ heart hurt. To see Remus in such a state, Remus who’s kind and dorky, who loves his music and has odd traditions, physically hurts Sirius.

“Listen to me,” he says, pulling back and looking down at Remus and gently tilting his head up by cupping his cheeks. Remus’ eyes are glossy, his cheeks are wet and his lips are parted slightly.

“I want to show you something,” Sirius says softly. “I need a pen to do so, do you have one?”

Remus nods, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “There should be one in the kitchen.”

Sirius gets up, getting the pen from the counter before returning to the lounge.

“Give me your hand,” He says as he sits down and holds his own hand out.

Remus doesn’t hesitate, and puts his hand in Sirius’.

“Tell me a name of someone who cares for you.”

Remus licks over his lips, “My grandmother.”

“Good,” Sirius nods. “Now tell me another.”

“Alice.”

Sirius doesn’t reply this time, but instead puts the nib of the pen to Remus’ skin. He draws eight little stars, and two of them are named. One ‘Alice’, the other ‘Grandmother’. He looks at Remus, “I learnt this method from a friend. When you feel like things are too much, or that you’re not good enough, or when you think you need to self harm, you get a pen and draw stars on your hand - or anywhere on your body. Or even a piece of paper. You name them after people who care about you and vice versa, things that inspire you, anything to remind you that you are good enough and that you can do it.”

Remus stares at his hand, taking in what Sirius has just said to him. He then moves his hand so his fingers sit between Sirius’. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Sirius replies. “Do you have any films?”

Remus nods, “They’re in my room. I’ll go get them.”

Sirius pushes Remus back down on the couch when he goes to sit up. “Allow me.” Remus watches as Sirius goes to find a DVD.

Remus closes his eyes and leans his head against the couch. His head hurts worse than anything now, and he’s trying to process everything that just happened. It makes him feel.. different, that he had shown his weak side to Sirius and he hadn't left. Hadn’t laughed. That instead, he had taken Remus into his arms and even shown him a way of how to handle the feeling of needing to self harm. He opens his eyes and gets the pen, holds it between shaking fingers and carefully writes ‘ _Sirius_ ’ next to the biggest drawn star on his hand.

Sirius comes back in after a minute or two with three DVDs in his hand. “Choices are Les Mis, Hairspray, or Grease. You’re a bit of musical trash as well, aren’t you?”

Remus laughed, “Just a bit. And I don’t mind what we watch.”

“Hairspray it is.”

Sirius puts the disk in and sits next to Remus. He wraps his arm around Remus’ waist and Remus lays his head against Sirius’ arm, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world and they do it all of the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be updated sooner, but I ended up more or less rewriting the whole chapter. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed these adorable dorks.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cliches, cheeseiness, and a surprise.

Two weeks pass, and Remus finds himself falling hard for Sirius. With his long black hair, and beautiful, star like eyes. With hands so soft and gentle. Remus hopes Sirius has fallen for Remus too. Even if Remus is not as physically attractive as Sirius, and even if he can't tell jokes like Sirius can. Remus hopes there's at least a chance that the feeling is mutual.

Alice and the others still don't know about Sirius. It isn't that Remus doesn't trusts them - that isn't the problem. It's just that Remus wants to keep Sirius to himself. He wants to keep him a secret so that it all seems more special. Because Sirius is the motivation behind Remus' work, he's the pitch in his laugh, he's the light in the dark. And as cheesy as it may be, Sirius is everything to Remus.

Since Sirius came over to Remus' flat, things have happened with Remus' friends. Frank and Alice officially started going out, Dorcas and Benji had a fight, and Marlene's mother made her join a drama class to socialise more. Things have happened between Remus and Sirius as well, if that wasn't obvious. They text each other frequently, they talk on the phone nearly every day after Remus finished college (usually around half five). They meet up at every opportunity, but they're yet to kiss. Or find each other better nicknames.

Remus decides to bring it up as he walk back from the bus station, to his flat.

_17:03_

_We need actual nicknames for each other._

_17:08_

_True. What about.. emo trash??_

_17:11_

_Haha, what about no?_

_17:14_

_Fine, but if I put a lot of effort into the nickname you better had for mine too._

_17:16_

_Of course._

By the time Sirius answers, Remus is back in his flat, starting on coursework. He leans over his maths and physics sheets and reads the text.

_17:37_

_Hear me out - Moony. Because you've got so many dimples in your cheeks, and the sides of your chin. I love how eyes crinkle when you laugh and smile. They all remind me of the craters in the moon. And your name pretty much means Moon Moon anyway. So, yeah. I think I'll call you Moony._

Remus blushes at the text but also laughs. Of course it had to be moon related.

_17:45_

_I like it. You can be.. Padfoot. I know mine isn't going to be as amazing as yours and I doubt I will make you blush half as much as you've made me do so. But hear me out. You're named after a constellation that is the dog, you're kind and loyal. And you're adorable. So.. Padfoot it is?_

_17:47_

_Padfoot.. I like it. There better be a little dog emoji next to my name._

_17:59_

_But of course there is. I'll text you later, maths and physics tests tomorrow and I haven't revised nearly enough._

_18:05_

_Okay, good luck! Btw are we still on for seeing each other Saturday?_

_18:14_

_Of course, Padfoot. I can't see you on Sunday though._

_18:15_

_That's okay, are you going out with Alice?_

_18:21_

_No, it's my birthday and I always spend it with my grandma._

_18:23_

_You didn't tell me it was your birthday!_

_18:24_

_No big deal, just another year._

_18:25_

_But it’s your eighteenth!_

_18:25_

_Eh._

_18:28_

_NO NOT ‘Eh’, MOONY. WE ARE GOING OUT SATURDAY NIGHT TO CELEBRATE._

_18:31_

_As lovely as that sounds, I don’t have much money._

_18:34_

_Well obviously neither do I, but we don’t need money to have a good time. Just trust me._

_18:35_

_Alright, Padfoot._

Saturday night

“Ten minutes late, nothing new,” Remus grins as he stands under the light of the streetlamp, watching as Sirius gets closer to him.

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” Sirius winks, sliding his hand into Remus’ as soon as it was in his reach.

“What’s the bag?” Remus asked, looking at the blue backpack that was being sported by the other male.

“You’ll see,” Sirius grinned. “Do you have any change on you?”

“Yeah, why?”

“We’re going on the bus.”

“.. Why?”

“Again, you’ll see.”

Sirius refuses to tell Remus where he was taking him the whole walk to the bus stop, and still refuses to tell him where they're going to once on the bus. He had made Remus give him the change for the ticket and walk onto the bus and get them seats so Sirius could buy the tickets without Remus knowing where they're off to.

“Please tell me?” Remus pouts and puts his head on Sirius’ shoulder.

“I can’t, sorry,” Sirius looks at Remus with a grin and after convincing himself to, he kisses the tip of his nose.

Remus’ cheeks turned red, “You’re making me blush.”

“Good.”

Every time the bus stops, Remus asks if it’s their stop, to which Sirius laughs at Remus’ eagerness and tells him no, this is not our stop.

When it is their stop, Sirius is dragged off the bus by an excited Remus.

“I have no idea where we are,” Remus says after a few seconds of looking around.

Sirius shakes his head, “Follow me.”

Remus follows Sirius down a narrow wide life path. Overgrown plants brush against them and the air gets colder and colder. Remus follows Sirius down stone stairs, and moves closer to Sirius when the cold finds its way through his jacket.

“Sirius it’s cold,” Remus says with chattering teeth.

“Not long now.”

Remus keeps his hand warm by holding Sirius’, and when sand starts appearing on the ground, Remus knows where he’s being taken.

“The beach?”

“You finally got it.”

“But it’s going to be cold,” Remus whined, the fact that he was being a bit ungrateful not entering his head.

When they step onto the beach, Remus decides that the cold is worth it. Infact, he’s in such awe of the sight, of the peace and quiet, that he hardly notices the nippiness of the wind.

The sky’s a rich navy and the bright stars shine against it beautifully. The moon isn’t full - it’s hardly half a moon, but it’s such an amazing sight that he doesn’t care. The sea is making soft, calming noises - ones that Remus can only describe as ‘swishy’, but they’re so much better than that.

“Sit down,” Sirius smiles.

Remus turns his head, and sees that as he’s been stood there, looking up at the stars and listening to the steady sound of waves, Sirius has set up a blanket for them to sit on.

“So that’s what the bag was for,” he says as he sits next to Sirius.

“Not just that, though.” Sirius puts his arm around Remus’ shoulders, to which the taller boy leans into him and rests his head on Sirius’ shoulder.

“What else, then?”

Sirius uses his free hand to get out a neatly wrapped box with a bow on top of it, sitting it on Remus’ lap before getting sandwiches wrapped in tinfoil, a flask, and a tub of strawberries out too.

“You got me a present?” Remus asks with a smile.

“Of course I did, silly. Open it.”

Remus does just that, gently ripping the wrapping paper off and opening a box to find a shirt in there. He holds it out in front of him and laughs.

“Did you really get me this?”

“Looks like it,” Sirius grins.

The top is black, and in white writing, in front of a picture of a moon, says ‘Hungry like the wolf’.

“How did you even afford this? I mean-”

“Shush, it’s your birthday. I’m allowed to get you something.”

“Can I give you something?”

Sirius looks at Remus, cocking his head to the side. “What is it?”

“This.”

Remus closes the space between him and Sirius by leaning forward and putting their lips together. Both their eyes close within a second and Sirius’ hands cup Remus’ face. Remus rests his hands on Sirius’ waist. The kiss is small, and Remus can taste mint on Sirius’ lips. When they pull back, Remus looks down.

“Can I give one back?” Sirius asks and pushes Remus’ head up gently.

“Happily.”

Their lips meet again and after a few seconds, Sirius deepens the kiss. Remus is a bit taken back, but when Sirius notices and starts to pull back, Remus puts his hand on the back of Sirius’ head to keep their lips together. Sirius pushes Remus onto his back but doesn’t break the contact between their lips. He straddles Remus’ waist, and rests his hands on either side of his head. Remus’ hands slide up Sirius’ legs and rest on the material that covers his behind. Five minutes they stay like this, pulling back every so often so they can breath.

“That was..” Remus doesn’t know what adjective to use.

“Perfect.” Sirius grins.

Remus nods his head, looking up at Sirius. “I have a question.”

“Go on.”

“Well, I know we haven’t known each other for ages, but, I just,” Remus hates it when he rambles.

“Will I be your boyfriend?” Sirius asks.

Remus looks away with red cheeks, “Yeah. That.”

“I don’t even know why I would say no.”

“Really?” Remus looks at Sirius as if he’s expecting him to laugh. He is expecting him to.

“Really. I can’t think of anyone better to call my boyfriend.”

For the third time that night, two pairs of lips are put against each other. _I have a boyfriend_ , Remus thinks as they make out. It makes him smile into the kiss even more.


	10. Chapter Ten

The next day is like every birthday at his grandma’s is spent. They catch up from how the previous week has been, eat some cake, his grandma sings happy birthday to him, and then the card. This year, as always, there’s money in the card. But usually it’s a tenner, or maybe a twenty if his grandma can afford it. However, the card this year holds five twenty pound notes and two fivers.

Remus looks at his grandma with wide eyes, “This is far too much.”

“It’s your eighteenth, I am not taking it back.” his grandma insists.

Remus sighs but nods, “Thank you.” He puts the card and the money down on the table and gets up, giving his grandma a hug. She hugs him back, giving him a kiss on the cheek and Remus speaks again when he sits back down, “I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh how lovely!” his grandma says with a wide smile. “Tell me about him.”

And that’s what Remus does. He tells her about how he and Sirius met, how he came to his flat when he needed someone to talk to, the date on the beach last night. He tells her how he feels spoiled by Sirius, even though in reality, to other people it’s nothing. But for Sirius to have so little and be so much to Remus, to give him so much, makes Remus feel so special.

“I want to meet him.”

“You do?” Remus asks with a smile.

His grandma nods, “I want to meet this boy who makes you so happy.”

Tuesday

“I have a boyfriend.”

Alice spat her food at that comment, a bit of it landing on Remus’ face.

“Thank you, but I have my own food,” Remus laughs and wipes the small bits of food off his face.

“Who who who?!” Alice asks with a grin, wiping food off of his own face.

“Remember that guy who I said was just a friend?”

“Him?”

“Him.”

Remus tells Alice everything that he told his grandma - but adds in the fact that they made out on the beach instead of saying they just pecked lips. He tells her about how Sirius taught him the trick with stars on his hand, he says about how he likes being the taller one because he can fit Sirius in his arms. He says some pretty cheesy and sappy stuff, but he means it all.

“I’m so happy for you,” Alice smiles. “He sounds amazing.”

“He is, Alice. Really, he is.”

Later on

_21:01_

_I forgot to ask, do you want to come to my grandma’s on Sunday? She wants to meet you._

_21:04_

_I would love to._

_21:07_

_Awesome, I’m going to go to bed, goodnight Padfoot._

_21:11_

_Early night? Ah, you have a test tomorrow. Good luck, Moony. (I miss you)._

_21:12_

_Yeah, English. (I miss you as well)._

The week flies by, which Remus is surprised at. He has so much studying and revision to do that he thought the week was going to drag, but before he knows it, it’s Sunday and he’s stood outside the door of his grandma’s with Sirius.

Sirius looks like he spent hours getting ready to meet Remus’ grandma - and that thought alone makes Remus fall harder for the grey eyed boy. He’s wearing grey trousers, a white shirt and a blazer. Remus has guessed that they’re from a charity shop or from the small amount of clothes he took with him when his family kicked him out. But that’s not the point. The point is, is that Sirius made such an effort and looks amazing. Remus kisses his cheek before walking into the apartment, hand in hand.

“We’re here,” Remus calls.

They walk into the living room and see Remus’ grandmother in her usual chair by the coffee table.

“You must be Sirius,” she smiles and pushes herself up to her feet. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

Sirius smiles and lets go of Remus’ hand to go and shake his grandmother’s, only to be taken into a hug. He hugs her back, pulling back when she does.

“It’s very nice to meet you too.”

Remus leaves them in the lounge and sticks the kettle on. He gets three cups out of the cupboard, and as the kettle boils, he can hear laughing coming from the lounge. He smiles.

“Your grandmother’s lovely,” a voice says behind him a minute or two later, making Remus jump. He turns around to see Sirius.

“Scare you, did I?” Sirius asks with a grin before wrapping his arms around Remus’ waist and smiling up at him.

“Just a little,” Remus replies, pushing his fingers through Sirius’ hair. “I’m glad you’re getting on with my grandmother.”

“So am I.”

Sirius helps Remus carry in the cups of tea and a plate of biscuits. The three of them sit round and watch TV, making small talk. Sirius sits on the floor by Remus’ feet - Hope doesn’t have a couch. She’s offered him a chair from the small table and chair set that she has, but Sirius is content to sit on the floor.

“You literally are a dog,” Remus teases and pats Sirius on the head.

Sirius tilts his head back and smiles, “Woof.”

They don’t do much until food. They sit around the table, and eat. It’s chicken dinner, boiled potatoes, chicken, gravy and runner beans. It’s delicious - so many flavours and textures.

“Remus tells me that you can play guitar,” Hope says after a mouthful of food.

Sirius nods, “Yeah, I learnt when I was little.”

Hope smiles, “And you sing too?”

“I do, it’s a good thing to be able to do them both.”

After dinner is eaten, Remus and Sirius clean up whilst Remus’ grandmother goes for a nap in her room.

“Hey Remus?” Sirius says as they’re washing dishes.

“Yeah?”

“You have something on your face.”

Remus frowned and turned to look at Sirius, “Where?”

Sirius got the bubbles in the sink and put them on Remus’ cheeks and chin, “There.”

Remus got bubbles too, wiping them over Sirius’ face, “Oh, sorry did my hand slip?”

Within seconds, they’re throwing bubbles - and just water at each other. Everything gets wet, from the clothes they’re wearing to the floors and walls. Sirius steps forward to grab the tea towel but ends up slipping, and manages to grab Remus’ arm so they fall to the floor together.

“Smooth,” Remus laughs, patting Sirius on the cheek,

“Tell that to my back,” Sirius groans, eyes shut in pain.

“Are you okay?” Remus asks, his voice laced with concern,

Sirius nods, “Help me up?”

Remus gets up, taking Sirius’ hands and helping him up.

“Thank you,” Sirius looks at Remus with a small smile.

“How wet are your clothes?”

“They’ll dry quick enough.”

“Alright, go relax and I’ll clean this up.”

After cleaning up, Remus goes in the lounge to find Sirius sat on the floor.

“There are chairs.”

“I didn’t want to get them wet.”

Remus sits next to Sirius on the floor, before leaning in and kissing him. Sirius kisses back, his hand resting on Remus’ cheeks. He scoots forward a little, and pushes his hand up to hold onto Remus’ hair lightly. Remus deepens the kiss, pushing his tongue between Sirius’ lips and taking the role of the dominant one. Their lips slide against each other slowly as do their tongues. When it gets too much for Remus, when his cheeks are bright red and his heart beat is rapid. When he’s reached his limit, he pulls back.

He looks down to his lap, breathing heavily. He feels bad - he feels like a tease. But all the negativity melts away when Sirius pulls him into his arms.

“We won’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable,” Sirius whispers and kisses Remus’ head.

Remus smiles and closes his eyes, resting his forehead against Sirius’ cheek. This, Remus decides, is why Sirius is perfect. Well, this and many other reasons anyway.

Sirius rubs his hand against Remus’ cheek, “When’s your next half term?”

“In a week,” Remus plays with Sirius’ fingers. “Two weeks off and then I go back to exams.”

“Any plans for the half term?”

“Just spend them with you.”

“Sounds perfect.”

They get up off the floor after a couple minutes - when their behinds start hurting. They share a chair - meaning that Remus sits on the chair and Sirius on his lap. Remus’ grandma comes in a few minutes later with something in her hand and tear stained cheeks.

“Gran, what’s wrong?” Remus frowns, and Sirius moves immediately so Remus can go to her.

“I wasn’t going to give this to you,” Her voice is shaky as she puts an envelop into Remus’ hand. “But she wanted you to have this for your eighteenth, and I know it was last week, but better late than never.”

Remus looks down at the card and furrows an eyebrow - he doesn’t recognize the writing. “Who’s it from?”

“Your mother.”

Remus looks back up again, his lips parted. “Gran.. if this is some way of trying to make me feel better-”

“It’s not,” she shakes her head and takes a deep breath, “You need to read it.”

Remus sits back down and stares at the writing - all neat and loopy. He opens it carefully and a pulls a card out. On the front, it says ‘Happy 18th birthday, Son.’ He opens the card and reads.

_Dear Remus,_

_I suppose this must seem weird - your mother writing to you when you don’t know her. But I wanted to let you know what happened. What I mean, is I want you to know why I haven’t been there for you and why you’ve been raised by your wonderful grandmother.I know this isn’t a great birthday presents - there’s also something in the envelope for you._

_The reason I wasn’t there, was because of your father. I left him when I found out I was pregnant with you because he was an asshole. I moved back in with your grandma and everything was good, until he came for me again after you were born. Right this minute, I wish I was with you and not your father. I want you to know that I left because I had to - for your and grandma’s safety. I love you more than anything and I’m sorry that I’m not going to be a part of your life._

_I hope you had a good day, I’m sorry if this has ruined it, I hope you haven’t grown to hate me._

_Love, mum._

Remus stares at the card with watery eyes before he gets up and rushes out of the flat, leaving the front door open. Sirius follows him, walking after him and manages to grab the back of his shirt. He pulls Remus back and pulls him into his arms, to which Remus cries into his shoulder with everything he has.

Sirius’ ears ache already for the sobbing, but he holds his boyfriend close and rubs his back, occasionally kissing his head and running his hand over his hair.

“I want to go home,” Remus whispers once he’s calmed down a bit.

“Of course,” Sirius answers as if it’s him who chooses when they go. “Do you want to go get the card? Say goodbye to your grandmother?”

Remus nods, “Come with me.”

“Of course.”

They go back inside and Remus says goodbye to his grandmother. He tells her that he isn’t mad, that he’s just overwhelmed and needs time to think. He assures her that no, he does not hate her. He could never hate her. He puts the card in the envelope to take back with him. Sirius says goodbye and they leave the flat hand in hand.

The whole walk back is silent, and Remus is glad that no one tries to pick a fight with him or Sirius. They get home, and Sirius goes to the kitchen to make them a cup of tea.

He walks in the lounge with two cups of tea to see Remus just staring at the envelope. It’s placed on the table.

“Have you seen what’s in it?” Sirius asks and sits down, giving Remus his cup of tea.

Remus shakes his head, “I can’t.”

Sirius licks his lips, “Do you want me to open it for you?”

Remus lets out a shaky breath but nods his head, “Please.”

Sirius puts his cup of tea down and gets the envelope. He opens it, and in the corner finds a chain and a locket. He handles it carefully, and when he opens it, he can’t help but smile. “Remus, you’re going to want to look at this.”

Remus looks, and sees that inside of the locket - which is about the size of his thumbnail, is a picture of a young girl and a baby. Him and his mother. He takes it from Sirius with trembling hands. He undoes the chain and hands it to Sirius. “Put it on for me.”

Sirius puts the locket on Remus and kisses his shoulder, “She cared about you - and I’m sure that she still does.”

Remus nods. “Will you stay the night?” he asks and looks at Sirius. “I don’t want to be on my own.”

Sirius licks over his lips but nods, “Of course I will.”

For the rest of the day, Sirius watches TV with Remus curled up next to him with his math book open. One hand is used to hold the book and the other holds onto the locket around his neck.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of Lyall and Hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for;
> 
> Abusive relationships  
> Emotional manipulation  
> Physical abuse  
> Threats

 

Hope Howell had met Lyall Lupin one afternoon.

Hope was walking through the forest, having had an argument with her mother and wanting to get some space. The forest wasn’t far from her house, and it always made Hope feel peaceful and at ease. It was her haven. As she walked, she took in her surroundings. The tall trees that towered over her, the flowers that grew from the earth. The squirrels and wild rabbits that ran around, climbing trees or hiding in the burrows they had made. Hope felt like she was in a Disney film, Snow White to be exact. She was surrounded by wildlife - there was even a few birds singing. All of this, is what caused Hope not to see the branch in her pathway. Her foot banged against it and when she went to take another step, she fell over the branch instead. She landed on her front, arms covering her chest and making sure her face did not come into contact with the ground. Her ankle, however, was in agony. She had heard it click, and she was sure it was in a position it shouldn’t be able to be in. She slowly and carefully put the palms of her hands against the ground - covered wood chippings, and pushed her body up off the floor. She then pushed her knees against the ground, now in the position of doing a push-up. She pushed her body up, off of the ground. But as soon as she put pressure on her feet, her obviously damaged ankle gave way and she found herself kneeling on the ground. Her hands had bits of the wood chippings stuck on them and as did her knees - seeing as she was wearing a dress. Her ankle was throbbing and she didn’t knew she couldn’t risk walking on it. She wasn’t sure how she was going to get home. She sat there for a few minutes, before she heard footsteps coming from behind her. She turned her head and saw a tall, lanky boy walking towards her with (what she thought) was a Irish wolfhound on a leash.

“Are you okay?” he asked when he was close enough. Soon enough he’s kneeling next to Hope.

“Not really,” she gave a weak laugh, “I tripped over the branch and my ankle’s in agony. I can’t even walk on it.”

Lyall nodded, “Is your house near? I’m sure I can manage to help you back home.”

Hope smiled, “Yeah. It’s not too far actually.”

//

After that event, Lyall and Hope started to see each other. They spent every moment that they could together - in the cinema, at the beach, in one of their houses. After just a few weeks they were both sure that they had found their true love. That they were ‘destined’ to be together. But they were only eighteen years old, and Hope secretly wondered if love was a thing that they could find at their age. She knew that her mother wasn’t keen on Lyall, but for some reason, that made Hope only want Lyall more. She wanted to be in love, to be loved.

She ended up leaving college for Lyall, after an argument that she didn’t put enough into their relationship. Her mother was furious - leaving college because some guy she hardly knows told her to? But Hope knew that it was right thing to do. Of course it was. Lyall loved her and she loved him too. And he was probably right - she should put more into their relationship. By the time she was nineteen - just a few weeks later, she moved out of her mother’s house and into a flat Lyall was renting. It was a bit rundown, hardly any space, but it was theirs. It was their home. But that was just the problem.

It was miles away from her mother’s home, meaning that when Lyall turned on her, she didn’t have anyone to turn to. And as she was out of a job and education, she wasn’t earning money. She was controlled by Lyall. What he wanted, she would do. She hardly left the flat - there was only one key and Lyall locked the door at all times - even when he was going to work. Nights were spent sleeping on the couch when Lyall was in a foul mood. How had her life gotten like this? She would cry herself to sleep and wish that she had listened to her mother. That she hadn’t dropped out of college and that she hadn’t moved in with Lyall - or even met him for that matter. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that beatings were added to her problems. Her face was always bruised - no amount of makeup was going to help her. Her face was hardly recognisable anymore. But Lyall always apologised, so she supposed that made up for it, right? It meant that he still loved her, surely. She didn’t know right from wrong anymore. Something that did not help when she found out she was pregnant.

“What do you mean, you’re pregnant?” Lyall hissed and looked at Hope.

“I mean, I’ve missed my period and throwing up every morning isn’t due to the food we eat.”

Lyall scoffed, “I’m not raising a kid with you.”

Hope’s face fell, “But, the child..”

“Get an abortion,” he replied and took a drag of his cigarette.

“I am not getting rid of this baby, this is our child.” Hope replied, suddenly, for the first time since Lyall turned on her, feeling able to stand up for herself. “If you want nothing to do with this child, then fine. But I’m packing my bags and leaving.”

“Fine, leave.” Lyall said nonchalantly, eyes focusing on the TV, “See if I care.”

Hope packed a bag - she hardly had any clothes anymore. All of her possessions had either been left at her mother’s or Lyall had thrown them out. When she walked back into the lounge, the door to the flat was open.

“Bus money’s on the kitchen counter. Enjoy your life, I hope the brat ruins your life.”

Hope laughed, an actual laugh. She was surprised by the new found strength, but she knew it wouldn’t last. She was running off some kind of adrenalin. Excitement, that she was getting away from Lyall. But horror masked it because of the situation she was now in. “The only brat that’s ruined my life is you.”

//

Her mother took her back with warm arms. She booked her a doctors appointment the day she came home. and they found out she was three weeks pregnant. And luckily, the baby was healthy. That was a miracle, Hope decided.

Lyall wasn’t seen after she left, and in one way it broke her heart. Had he ever cared? But in another way she was glad - she knew she was better off without him. Her mother managed to get her a job in a office. Nothing major, just a few hours as a  secretary. But it was a job, and she was glad that she was getting her life back in control. Her job was how she made new friends and gained back confidence. She was glad when she looked in the mirror one day and saw herself, instead of the beaten down girl Lyall had made.

//

She gave birth a week before her due date. She was taken to hospital in the evening, assisted by her mother, of course. She gave birth after two hours of labour, to a little boy. He weighed 5.5 lb. Hope, though exhausted, had never been so happy in her life. She had a little boy, and he was healthy. He was her’s. She named him Remus John Lupin, and swore to herself to give him the best possible upbringing. She would not let him down.

//

For the first few months, she didn’t let him down. She gave Remus all that he could and her and her mother did everything for him. She loved him more than anything else in the world. She was there with every cry that left him and provided everything that he needed. At three months old, he had little curls of hair on his head - sandy brown, just like his mother’s. Hope didn’t know how she could feel so much pride and love for one little person, though she did.

But one day when Remus was asleep after being fed and her mother was out, Hope answered the door to find Lyall standing there.

“Don’t think you could get rid of me that easily, did you?” His smirk made her want to throw up.

“Get out of here,” Hope knew that her voice was anything but strong.

Lyall leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms over his chest. “Make me.”

“What do you even want?” Hope asked, digging her nails into her leg anxiously.

“All I want is for you to come with me, and nothing else.”

Hope laughed a little, “And why would I do that?”

Lyall leaned in, so they were face to face. Hope could feel his breath on her face - it smelt like alcohol. She looked down and he moved his face to her ear, “Because if you don’t,” he spoke softly. And it was terrifying. “Then I’ll make your life a nightmare. And not just you. But that kid of yours. You mother’s. I’ll never leave you alone. But come with me now, and I’ll never think of laying a finger on any of your family.”

Tears stung in the corner of Hope’s eyes, “Fine.” She said quietly. “Let me get my stuff. And to say bye to Remus, at least.”

“What a stupid name.” Lyall laughed and stood up straight. “But alright, I’ll be in the car. Don’t be long.”

Hope watched as Lyall left and shut the door. She grabbed a pen and a piece of paper from the coffee table in the lounge. Her hand shook as she wrote and the letters were all wonky and untidy.

‘Dear mum,

I’m sorry. Lyall was here and he was threatening to hurt you and Remus if I didn’t go. Please don’t come and look for me. Tell Remus I love him. That he was the best thing that happened to me. That I’m sorry I’m such a coward. That no matter what, I will love him.

Hope x.’

She left the letter on the table and went into her room where Remus was asleep. She picked him up, holding him in her arms and closing her eyes. She took a deep breath. “Please know that I’ll always love you. I’m sorry I have to leave, but it’s for your safety. Trust me.” She kissed his head before laying him back down, grabbing her bag and heading to the door. She took one last look at her son, sleeping peacefully. And then she left for good.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus Lupin: Gay emo sass trash

The week that followed dragged. Remus guessed that that was bound to happen due to it being the week before a two week holiday. Coursework was handed in, tests were given in, names were called (as in insults to Remus, from a long nosed blond haired ass). As the week did go on, however, he found it a bit easier to accept things. And when he meant things, he meant his mother. His grandma explained to him on the Thursday after college that Hope, his mother, had sent the card when Remus was smaller - a year or two after she left. It had come with a letter, explaining the situation Hope was in, and that she wanted the card to remain unread until Remus turned eighteen.She explained that she had nearly given it to him a few times before, but couldn’t stand the thought of going against her own daughter’s wishes.

It made sense to Remus, he just wished he hadn’t of had such an asshole dad. But from the way his grandmother spoke about him (which was negatively and briefly), he didn’t seem to want to have anything to do with Remus anyway. But Remus would always hold a grudge against the man for breaking up his family.

On Friday, Remus goes to the cinema with Alice and Frank. They had invited Dorcas, but her and Benjy already had plans (surprise surprise), and Marlene has drama club. They see Insurgent, and Remus is slightly angered because, like every book-to-film adaption, they change and cut things out.

On their way out, they see Lucius and his girlfriend, Narcissa. Lucius’ face is bruised and cut, it makes Remus smirk.

“Did you hear what happened to him?” Alice asks as they exit the cinema.

“No, what?”

“He got beaten up by some guy from another college - no one even knows why.”

“Good on him, I say.”

//

_Dear Remus,_

_I am writing to you as it is time that we had a catch up, but also because I have news for you._

_The Pettigrews, who fostered you for six months when you were eleven, have recently gotten in contact with us asking about you. I have not given them any information, but if you could meet me here today at twelve, I can go into more detail with you and give you their contact details if you wish to have them._

_See you soon, Jenny._

_Remus clicks off his email and rubs over his cheeks. It’s half nine on a Saturday morning, and he gets an email saying that the people who chucked him out want to get in contact with him. He sighs, he knows that isn’t what happened. But that’s what he felt like at the time. He leans across the table and gets his cup of water, taking a sip. The last thing he wants to do is go back to the children’s home he basically grew up in, but he doesn’t have a choice. Jenny will come here if he doesn’t turn up, and he would like to keep on the good side of her._

To get to the children’s home he’ll have to take two buses and walk for half an hour. He looks out the window and sees it’s raining. This is definitely going to be a shitty day

//

Remus turns up at the children’s home soaking wet and shaking. The rain had worsened as soon as he started the walk from the bus stop to the building, and he’ll kick off if he isn’t offered a cup of tea. He knocks the door, and a not long after, it opens.

“Can I help you?” asks a woman with dark hair.

“Yes. I have an appointment with Jenny Kingstone,” Remus replies, and is let in.

“You must be freezing, do you want a cup of tea, coffee?” the woman asks as Remus pushes his hood down.

“Tea please.”

The woman nods, “Have a seat. Jenny won’t be long.”

Remus sits down and looks around. Nothing has changed since the last time he was here. The walls are painted bright colours and it smells of something Remus doesn’t know, but calls ‘familiar smelling’. Paintings and drawings hang up on the wall by blue tac.

“Remus, it’s lovely to see you, come in.”

Remus turns his head to see that Jenny has stepped out of her office. She’s shorter than Remus, with blonde hair and thick eyebrows. Remus follows her into her office and sits in the chair on the opposite side to Jenny’s on the other side of the desk.

“How are things?”

Remus stops himself from rolling his eyes. “They’re fine.”

“Just fine?”

Remus does, infact, roll his eyes this time, “They’re brilliant.”

“And how’s living on your own?”

“Lonely.”

Remus doesn’t mean to be rude - but they’re the same questions every time. And he gives the same answers. He doesn’t see why they can’t just talk over the phone.

Jenny gives Remus a look, and he feels like he’s getting a row for eating all the chocolate like he did when he was eight.

He sighs, “Living alone is fine. I like it. I like having independance.” That’s not true, but it might stop her asking so many questions.

“How’s your grandmother?”

“Fine.”

The rest of the meeting goes on in the same fashion. Jenny asks question and Remus answers them. Most of the time his answer is ‘fine’. When Jenny gives up on asking question, she decides to explain to Remus about the Pettigrews.

“What about them?” Remus asks.

“Well, they know that you’re now too old to be adopted, but they’re keen on seeing you again, They’ve even suggested you move in with them.”

Remus stares at Jenny for a couple of seconds before laughing, “You’re joking.”

Jenny shakes her head, “They said that know that they’re financially stable, they would love for you to be part of their family.”

Remus’ hand grips onto the locket around his neck, “No.”

“At least think about-”

“No.” Remus says stubbornly and gets up.

Jenny doesn’t bother stopping him as he storms out.

//

“It’s ridiculous!” Remus exclaims as he sits in the car with Alice, deciding he rather pay her petrol money than get the buses back home.

“I don’t know, it doesn’t seem that bad.”

“Excuse me?”

Alice sighs, “They did foster you, and they sent you money for your birthday and Christmas up until you were fifteen. I’m not saying that you should move in with them - but meeting up with them could be nice. Maybe even give you closure or something. I don’t know.”

Remus shrugs and looks out the window, “I don’t know either.”

“Do you want to stay at mine?”

Remus nods.

//

“You never told me your boyfriend’s name,” Alice says as she lays on the couch with her feet on Remus’ lap.

“Didn’t I?” Remus is looking through the channels on TV.

“No, what is it?”

“His name is Dog.”

Alice raises an eyebrow, “Dog?”

“Yep. Well, it might as well be anyway.”

Alice shakes her head, “You’re so weird.”

“Thank you.”

Alice’s parents go out for the night and the two teenagers order takeaway.

“I really shouldn’t be having this.”

“Why not?” Alice asks.

“I’m going out for pizza tomorrow night.”

“Boyfriend?”

Remus nods, “He said he has enough money to take me out, and I rather not try to get him to let me pay half and get into an argument with him.”

“Is he stubborn?”

“No, I think he just feels bad because he doesn’t have an income and I buy him stuff.”

Alice nods, “I see. Well be thankful he isn’t stubborn, you’re bad enough on your own.”

“I’m not stubborn.”

“You are.”

“Nope.”

“If you weren’t stubborn you wouldn’t be being so stubborn right now.”

“Shut up Alice.”

“Make me.”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

_Sunday night_

Sirius walks into Remus’ apartment and shuts the door after him, “Are you in the bedroom?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there now.”

Sirius sits down on the couch and picks up the book from the table. _Alice in Wonderland_ the title reads. Sirius laughs, he’s pretty sure it’s been left there on purpose.

Remus comes out of his room ten minutes later dressed in jeans and a hoodie. “Ready to go?”

“I do believe I am.”

They get to Pizza Express and are taken to the table that Sirius booked for them. It’s next to the window and near the kitchen.

“I don’t even like pizza,” Remus sighs, keeping the smirk off his face.

“What? I thought that you loved pizza!”

Remus shakes his head, “I hate it.”

“Oh god, um, okay we can go somewhere else,” Sirius gets up.

Remus laughs, “I’m joking. I just wanted to wind you up a bit.”

Sirius sits back down, “That was mean. I’m hurt.” he says dramatically.

“Where does it hurt? Would you like me to kiss it better?”

Sirius smirks, “Not in public.”

Remus’ cheeks, not surprisingly, go red. “You’re not allowed to make me blush.”

“But it’s fun.”

They order their drinks, and Sirius calls Remus boring for ordering a coke when he’s old enough to get alcohol.

“I don’t like alcohol.”

“Old man.”

“Old dog.”

When their drinks come back over, they order a chicken pizza to share.

“Oh, I forget to tell you,” Remus says with a smile. “Lucius got beaten up.”

“Is that so?”  Sirius asks with a smirk.

“Yeah, no one even knows why.”

“Maybe you have an angel looking over you.”

“The only angel I know is sat across the table from me.”

“Oh my god, that was terrible. I love it.” Sirius leans across the table and kisses his boyfriend on the lips.

“You’re lucky you didn’t tip the drinks,” Remus says when Sirius sits back down.

“That would make our clothes wet, but my pants already are.”

Remus laughs so loudly a few people look at him, his cheeks, of course, go red again. He covers his mouth with his hand. “You are trash.”

“I know, I know.”

They talk about anything and everything, from how Remus is scared about his exams to tales about him when he was in care.

“I’m sorry, did you just tell me that you once ate twenty five chocolate bars?”

“Yep. I got in a lot of trouble, but they were worth it.”

“I knew you liked chocolate, but wow.”

Remus laughs. He wants to ask Sirius how his childhood was, but he rather not trigger his boyfriend with memories from the past. He’s just so curious, Remus has told Sirius stories of his childhood but Sirius has never once mentioned his childhood stories. All Remus knows is that Sirius got kicked out.

“What’re you thinking about?”

“Huh?”

“You stare at your hands when you think, and that’s what you’re doing.”

Remus shakes his head, “It’s nothing, really.”

Sirius puts his hand on Remus’ and squeezes it gently, “Please?”

Remus sighs and looks at Sirius, “I was just wondering about your childhood.”

Sirius’ lips tighten, “Why?”

“I just.. I don’t know. I was curious.”

Sirius doesn’t do anything for a few minutes, and Remus is scared that he’s trigger him.

“I rather not talk about it,” he says eventually.

Remus nods, “I’m sorry.”

Sirius traces lines on Remus’ hands, “It’s not your fault.” he says after a sigh.

He plays with Remus’ fingers before he gets up and sits next to Remus, leaning his head on his shoulder.

Remus kisses his head, “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.”

They stay like that until their food comes, and when it does, Sirius stays close to Remus’ side still.

“You have sauce on my nose.”

“I have sauce on your nose?”

Remus laughs, “No, what I meant is you have sauce on your nose.”

“Oh, okay,” Sirius wipes it off with his hand.

“I was distracted by your cuteness.”

Sirius laughs a little, “You’re so sappy.”

After the meal, Sirius pays for their food and drink before they go out of the restaurant.

“The night sky is clear tonight,” Remus comments as they walk.

“Yeah, though you can hardly see any stars.”

“I don’t need any when I have you.”

“You really are cheesy.”

“Do you like cheesy?”

“I love it.”

They walk some more before sitting on a bench near a fountain. Sirius pushes his knees up to his chest and leans his head on Remus’ shoulder. Remus wraps his arm around his smaller boyfriend.

“You know when I went to that meeting yesterday?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, the women, Jenny, my old social worker, told me that the people who fostered me when I was younger want to get back in contact with me.”

“What did you say?”

“That I didn’t want to. I don’t want them in my life.”

“Why not? Were they horrible to you?”

Remus shakes his head, “I just think I’m too old.”

“What do you mean?”

“They also want me to move in with them. I’m too old to be part of their family.”

Sirius doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, but when he does, he says, “You’re never too old to be part of a family.”

Remus shrugs, “I rather not talk about it.”

“I understand.”

“I wonder what makes my dad an asshole.”

“I’m not sure, maybe you should try to think about something else.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

Remus turns his head and gently presses his nose against the soft skin of Sirius’ cheek, "I know it's too early to say I love you, but I really, really like you.”

Sirius smiles, “Good, because I really really like you too.”

Remus smiles now, “I think you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“What a coincidence, because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Their hands slide into each other’s and they look up at the night sky, enjoying just being in each other’s presence. They know they don’t have to speak for it not to be awkward. They know each other too well.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting so fluffy and cheesy, I think I'll have to put some drama or angst in it sooner or later. But for now, enjoy these two nerds being all boyfriend-y and stuff.

_Monday_

Like most days he has off of college, especially when he doesn’t have a shitty appointment with his old social worker, Remus sleeps in. He enjoys the warmth and comfort provided by his sheets, snuggling down into them and dreaming. It’s half one when he gets up - the latest he’s ever slept in til. He isn’t bothered though, he hasn’t got college and he hasn’t got plans with anyone. 

He sits up in bed and yawns, eyes heavy with sleep. He had gotten in late last night, around half eleven, and gone straight to bed. Though even after fifteen hours sleep, Remus is exhausted. He lays back down in bed and gets his phone, seeing that he has a message from Dorcas

_12:03_

_Can I come over? I need to talk to you._

_12:15_

_Remus I’m really upset and I need to see you._

Remus rolls his eyes. He know it may sound rude, but he doesn’t want to see Dorcas. He knows what it’s about. It’ll be about Benjy, and the last thing he really wants to hear about it. Dorcas only bothers with him when Benjy isn’t around now. But he knows she cares, and he cares too. So he texts her back.

_13:36_

_im sorry i was sleeping. Come 2 mine._

He’s too sleepy to text properly, but gets a reply within seconds.

_13:37_

_Thank you so much. I’ll be there in an hour._

Remus lays in bed for a few minutes before getting in the bath. He lays down and thinks about last night. Sirius had seemed so upset after Remus had mentioned his parents, but Remus doesn’t need to ask Sirius if everything between them is good. He knows the boy well enough to know these things. He’ll still text him to see if he’s okay, but he knows it’s a sensitive topic.

Once he’s had a bath and dried off, he changes into a pair of sweatpants and the top Sirius got him for his birthday. He leaves his hair to dry naturally.

There’s a knock at the door just ten minute later, and Remus answers it to see Dorcas stood there. Before Remus can even say a word, she throw herself at him and cries into him.

“Benjy?”

Dorcas nods her head as Remus shuts the door and takes her to sit on the couch. He puts the kettle on and hands her the box of tissues he keeps for when he watches sad films (and the MCR concert videos on YouTube).

“What happened?”

“I think he’s cheating on me,” she mumbles..

“And why do you think that?”

“I don’t know, he just doesn’t seem to be interested in me anymore,” she replies.

Remus sighs, “Maybe Alice would be better at this than me?”

“She’s out of town with Frank.”

Remus nods, “Maybe we can do something to keep your mind off it?”

“Like what?”

Remus thinks for a few minutes before shrugging, “What do you want to do?”

“.. Do you have the Mean Girls DVD?”

“Of course I do.”

They put the Dvd on, and half way through Remus gets a text off Sirius.

_15:25_

_Sorry I haven’t text you, how are you?_

_15:27_

_I’m fine, just with Dorcas. You?_

_15:29_

_Eh, pretty shit. But I’ll be fine. How’s Dorcas?_

_15:33_

_You can talk to me if you need to but you don’t have to. She’s eh._

_15:35_

_Benjy?_

_15:37_

_Yep._

_15:45_

_Can I stay at yours tonight? If that’s okay?_

15:46

Of course you can. What time will you be here?

15:50

The sooner the better.

15:52

You can come as soon as you want, though Dorcas might be here when you do.

15:53

I’ll wait until she’s gone,

15:54

Okay, I’ll tell you when she’s gone and then I’ll meet you at the bus stop?

15:55

If you don’t mind.

15:56

Of course not.

When he doesn't get a reply, Remus watches the rest of the film with Dorcas. When it’s over, Dorcas looks up at him with almost a guilty expression, “I lied.”

“What do you mean?” he asks, looking down at her with a frown and a raised eyebrow.

She sighs, “Nothing’s wrong with me and Benjy. I just wanted to spend time with you.”

“Dorcas.. you don’t have to lie to me if you want to spend time with me. Why didn’t you just ask?” Remus asks, slightly annoyed.

“Because you’re always with your boyfriend, you don’t spend anytime with anyone else.”

Remus stands up, “And you spend time with other people? You don’t leave Benjy’s side.”

“Excuse me, I spend time with other people!” she exclaims defensively and gets up.

“No you don't!” Remus says, his anger getting higher and higher. He subconsciously thinks he’s only mad because Dorcas is getting mad, but he also knows that he doesn’t like how she’s brought Sirius into this. “You don’t spend time with anyone but Benjy!”

“You know what? I’m leaving.”

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

//

Remus stands at the bus stop and is ready to rant like he’s never ranted before. He’s so annoyed with Dorcas and he can’t believe what she said. He’s going to rant until he can’t speak.

The bus comes down the road and stops at the bus stop. Sirius walks out, and all the angry is replaced with worry when Remus sees how red his eyes are and how his bottom lip is wobbling. Remus steps forward and Sirius basically falls into his arms.

“What’s wrong?” Remus asks, putting his hand on the back of Sirius’ head and the other on the lower part of his back as the bus drives away.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Remus sighs but nods, “Come on, lets go home.”

They walk side by side, Sirius leaning into his taller boyfriend. After a few minutes it’s hurting Remus side, and he stops them walking.

“Get on my back?”

“Why?”

“Because I can carry you on my back and you seem too tired to walk.”

Sirius seems hesitant to this idea but nods, and jumps on Remus’ back when Remus bends down in front of him. His legs are around Remus’ waist and are being held by Remus’ hands. He his arms are loosely wrapped around Remus’ neck. “I hope I’m not heavy.”

Remus laughs a bit and starts to walk, “You weigh nothing.”

//

Sirius curls up to Remus in bed with his arm over his waist. Their legs are entwined, even though Remus is sat up in bed. One of his hands in holding a book and the other is running through Sirius’ hair. Sirius is warm and knows that as he’s with Remus, he’ll be safe.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a little while since I updated, due to this chapter being a pain in my ass to write (as well as other things). I basically couldn't decide what to write, but I'm sure that I've made the right decision with what happens in this chapter. Also, after thinking about it, there aren't going to be many chapters after this - it's coming to an end. But don't worry, there's angst coming. Trust me on that. Anyway, enough of my rambling. Enjoy!

Wednesday

Remus was currently laying on his back in the park with his eyes shut. Himself and Sirius were laid next to each other on the grass. No one else was around, being as it was at the bottom of the park where not many went. Trees towered over them, sheltering them from the sun that shined down. It’s peaceful, no sounds of cars, or animals. No people walking past, no one saying rude things. It’s blissful.

“Hey, Remus?”

“Mm?”

“How many flowers do you think I can get in my hair?”

Remus looks over at Sirius, eyes barely open. Sirius is sat up, leaning back with the palms of his hands pushed against the grass. Remus sits up as well, yawning loudly and rubbing his eye with a fist, “I don’t know, not many if your hair is just down.”

Sirius nods and moves himself to sit on Remus’ lap so that they’re facing each other, “What about if I put it in a bun?”

Remus nods, giving another yawn, “Yeah, should work.”

Sirius gently curls his fingers around Remus’ chin and leans in to kiss him, “Tired?” he mumbles against Remus’ lips.

Remus hums, “Just a little.”

Sirius leans to the side and with one move of his hand, picks a bunch of daisies. He puts them on Remus’ lap before sliding the hair band from his wrist and into his hair, creating a bun at the back of his head. He manages to get twelve in his hair, and slides one behind Remus’ ear.

“Am I beautiful yet?” Remus laughs, looking at Sirius. He gets a daisy and puts it behind Sirius’ ear.

“Incredibly beautiful.”

When they get home, or rather, to Remus’ flat, they put food on. It’s a simple lunch of jacket potato and beans, and whilst they wait for the potatoes to cook, Remus puts the radio on. A slow beat song comes on, and though Remus is not sure of the name, he recognises it and knows at once that he likes it. He takes Sirius’ hand and bows down, hand behind his back, eyes on Sirius, “May I have this dance?”

Sirius laughs loudly, “And I’m the dork?”

“I’m taking that as a yes.” Remus stands up straight and slides his arms around Sirius’ waist. Sirius’ hands rest on Remus’ shoulder and they step back and forth in a dancing manner to the music.

The rest of the half term is spent in the same manner. Most days are spent together - watching films, making out, dancing terribly, trying to make cakes. Days that are not spent with Sirius are study days. Remus is scared that he’s going to fail his exams, and so studies so much that he dreams about the information taken in. The dream with Isaac Newton will never be discussed. Dorcas doesn’t bother texting him, and Remus doesn’t bother to text her. He did nothing wrong, she was the one who wound him up. Remus usually isn’t so stubborn, but he will stick his ground when he knows he needs to.

On the first day back at college, he’s invited to go watch Marlene’s drama group at a theater in two weeks.

“Of course I’ll come, I bet you’re great,” Remus smiles, sat on the ground outside the library.

Marlene grins, “I’m surprisingly really enjoying it. There’s this girl there, Lily, she’s one of the nicest girls I’ve ever met.”

“I’m glad that you’re having such a good time. Is your mum going to be seeing the show?”

Marlene nods, pushing a strand of hair that fell from her ear back behind it, “Yeah, dad too. Hopefully they manage to get seats that aren’t near each other’s.”

“I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

Marlene hums, she opens her mouth to say something but shuts it again, deciding not to.

“What?” Remus asks.

Marlene shakes her head, “It’s nothing.”

“Marlene..”

She sighs and looks at Remus, “Have you heard anything else off Peter and his family?”

Remus nods, looking down at his jeans and picking at a loose thread, “Yeah. They want me to stay with them for a week in my next half term. I’m not sure about it, but they seem really keen on the idea. Said they would even pay for my travelling and so on.”

Marlene rests her hand on the back of Remus’ back, “It’s your choice, you don’t have to.”

“I know, but,” he lets out a sigh. “I don’t know… I haven’t seen them in person for so long… what if it’s awkward?”

“It’s bound to be awkward at first, but you could give it ago?”

Remus shrugs and turns slightly, leaning his forehead against Marlene’s shoulder.

Marlene rubs his back, “Moving on, you still haven’t spoken to Dorcas?”

Remus is glad for the change of topic, though it’s another thing he doesn’t want to discuss. “Nope, I don’t have any intentions to either.”

Marlene rolls her eyes, “You’re just as bad as each other.”

Remus sits up and raises an eyebrow at Marlene, “Excuse me?”

“Just talk to her, please?”

“Mm.. no,”

Marlene gets up and grabs her bag, “Come on, we’re going to find her.”

“What? No way! I’m staying here.” He folds his arms over his chest and looks the other way.

Remus does in fact end up going to find Marlene with Dorcas. Although Marlene is shorter than him, she’s got a glare so strong that you just _know_ her temper is about to come out. Remus has seen that temper before, he would not like to see it again.

“I don’t think she’s going to want to see me either,” Remus points out as Marlene drags him down the corridor by his wrist.

“Not my problem,” Marlene replies without hesitation.

They keep walking until they end up bumping into Alice and Frank, who were coming out of their sociology class.

“Where’re you two off to?” Frank asks with a smile, readjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder.

“To find Dorcas so I don’t have two whiny asses on either side of me,” Marlene replies, making Alice laugh and Remus glare at her.

“Well good luck with that,” Alice laughs before looking at Remus. “Are you still coming to mine later?”

He nods his head, “Is your mum making curry?”

“It’s Wednesday, of course she is. You know that.”

“Come on, no time for chit chat. Let’s go!” Marlene says, starting to walk again and pulling Remus with her.

They find Dorcas outside the front of the college with Benjy. Remus tries to walk back in as soon as he sees them, but Marlene’s grip is too strong.

“Dorcas!”

Dorcas turns around, the smile sliding off of her face the moment her eyes land on Remus. “Come on,” she mumbles to Benji,

They start walking off, but Marlene rushes over and grabs Dorcas’ hand.

“Marlene, let go.”

“No way,” she replies and looks at Benjy. “Dorcas will see you later.” She drags Dorcas over to Remus, who starts walking back inside, away from the two girls.

Marlene quickens her pace, dragging Dorcas so quickly that she nearly falls. She manages to grab Remus’ wrist and get him to stop.

“You’re both being whiny asswipes. Make up.”

“I don’t want to,” Remus replies and looks away from the two girls.

“Good, because neither do I,” Dorcas scoffs and looks in the other direction.

Marlene groans, “You two are ridiculous!” She starts walking again, dragging her two best friends with her. She drags them upstairs, down corridors, and stops outside the door to the janitor’s supply closet. She lets go of Remus’ wrist and checks the door - it’s open. “Get in.”

“What?” Dorcas asks, looking at Marlene with a confused expression.

“I said,” Marlene takes Remus’ wrist again and pushes them both in the closet. “Get in.”

Before either Remus or Dorcas can ask, the door is shut and they hear Marlene drag the chair that sat in front of the closet and putting it in front of the door.

“You’re not coming out until you make up!”

“Marlene, this is ridiculous! I can’t even see in here.”

“All the more reason to make up.”

Dorcas sighs, looking at where she thinks Remus is, “Look, I guess we should make up..”

“Dorcas I’m behind you.”

Dorcas turns around, her eyes adjusting to the lighting (or lack of) after a few minutes. She can just about make out Remus’ face. “I’m sorry for what I said. And what I did.”

Remus nods. Even if he’s still annoyed with Dorcas, he knows it’s not worth all this fuss and stupidity. “Me too.”

“Friends?” Dorcas asks.

Remus nods, stepping forward and meeting Dorcas with a hug, “Friends.”


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, this chapter contains slight NSFW.

_Friday_

_17:37_

_I'm so stressed out._

_17:41_

_College?_

_17:43_

_Yeah. All of my lecturers are wanting assignments in and we're doing tests in class. It's so stressful._

_17:45_

_It sounds it. I remember when I was in school, I was stressed all of the time._

_17:47_

_College is worse for me. In school they'd let me off because of my 'situation'. But in college you either give the work in or you fail. It's ridiculous._

_17:51_

_Yeah, it sounds it. But you'll be fine, you're so smart._

_17:53_

_Thanks. But right now I feel like throwing everything around my flat and screaming._

_17:55_

_Is it really that bad?_

_17:57_

_You've got no idea just how stressed I am. We had a test in physic yesterday and got the marks back today - I got 55/100. I revised my ass off for that test, and nothing._

_18:07_

_It's not really nothing? Maybe it's not the best mark but you can look over that test and see where you went wrong, see what you need to improve on, and so on._

_18:11_

_I think I'm going to leave it for tonight. I think I'm just going to watch Les Miserables._

_18:14_

_Because you're miserable too?_

_18:15_

_That's exactly why. I think I have popcorn somewhere, though that means going to my room to get the DVD AND to the kitchen for the popcorn then BACK to the lounge. Maybe I'll just sleep on the couch._

_18:25_

_It's not even half six. You're not allowed to go to sleep yet._

_18:29_

_Why not?_

_18:31_

_It's against the rules of physics._

_18:32_

_Okay I'm not that shit at physics to know you're lying._

_18:34_

_Me? A liar? I've never told a lie in my life!_

_18:35_

_Smell that? Ah yes, it's the smell of bullshit._

_18:37_

_I am offended._

_18:38_

_Good._

_18:41_

_The shorter these sentences are getting the more sexual tension ;)_

_18:45_

_Where the heck did you get that from?? Sirius pls I'm a virgin o:)_

_18:47_

_You can't use the o:), there's no point of using an angel when you're not pure._

_18:51_

_Woah woah woah. You have now upset myself AND my angel face._

_18:53_

_The emoji or your actual face?_

_18:59_

_Stop it. You're being all.. mushy and I'm trying to find my DVD._

_19:02_

_Have you checked all of the cracks in your room?_

_19:04_

_That is the worst thing I have ever heard. Omg. But yes, I have actually._

_19:07_

_And still not found it?_

_19:17_

_Ah! Just did!_

_19:19_

_Isn't it going to be a bit lonely.. watching it on your own.._

_19:21_

_No, angel face will watch it with me :)_

_19:23_

_Wow._

_19:35_

_If you want to come over then you can. I just feel bad when you sometimes._

_19:43_

_Oh. Okay then. Sorry._

_19:45_

_No not like that, that's not what I meant. I mean is that you use the money you make from busking to come and see me, but shouldn't you save it? Don't you want to save up for a flat or something? Or maybe clothes? I'm not saying I don't want you here, because I do. I just can't help but feel bad that you work hard for your money but then use it on me all of the time._

_19:59 (still Remus)_

_I'm really sorry if I've upset you or something, I didn't mean to. I just don't want you to spend all of your money on me._

_19:10_

_I'm not offended. I understand where you're coming from. The reason I spend all of my money on you is a) I really like seeing you and you make me happy b) I don't need to worry about getting a flat. I'm on this list thing for young people without accommodation. Basically they're looking for a flat for me, and I've also got to start going to job interviews soon. So the money I get from busking I can spend on bus tickers and so on._

_19:11_

_That's great! You can have your own place and have a job. You can get yourself back on your feet!_

_19:15_

_Yeah, it's pretty exciting I guess. With all that said, do you still mind if I come over?_

_19:18_

_Not at all._

_-_

Sirius sits next to Remus on the couch, both their knees up to their chests and a blanket covering them. Their arm to arm, leg to leg. They share the warmth of the blanket as well as given off their own. The bowl of popcorn sits on Remus' lap, and their eyes are fixated on the TV as the musical plays.

"How many times have you seen this?" Remus asks and puts a piece of popcorn in his mouth.

"Not many. Only once I think, you?"

"At least fifteen, no lie," Remus replies with a laugh.

Sirius turns his head so he's looking at Remus. He smiles at him, and continues to do so even when Remus looks back at him.

"What're you smiling at? Is there something on my face?"

Sirius shakes his head, "I'm just smiling."

Remus furrows an eyebrow, "You never 'just smile'. There's always a reason for why you're smile... What do you want?"

"Nothing!" Sirius laughs. "I'm just smiling."

"Weirdo," Remus replies but leans down and puts his lips to his boyfriend's.

Sirius' eyes close and the smile stays on his lips as he moves them against Remus. The kiss is soft but passionate, both their lips moving in time with one another's. Sirius wraps his arms around Remus' neck and as Remus wraps his arms around Sirius' waist, the bowl of popcorn falls on the floor. But the two boys are too caught up in each other to even notice it.

Within a few more seconds of kissing, the kiss has depended and Remus has fallen submissive as Sirius kisses his roughly. Sirius' hands trail up and down his body, making Remus let out tiny, barely audible noises. He can't process thoughts properly, but he knows that he doesn't want this to stop. If anything, he wants more.

They move to the bedroom when the couch starts getting uncomfortable, and Remus lays under Sirius on his bed. Sirius straddles his taller boyfriend and pins his arms down to the bed by holding his wrists. He kisses him straight on the lips, but then his lips move from Remus' lips and start to trail across his cheek, down to his jawline, and onto his neck.

"Are you okay to keep doing this?" he asks and looks up at Remus. He knows that even if Remus is enjoying this, consent is extremely important. Especially considering as this is Remus' first time. And he wouldn't want Remus' first time to be anything but perfect.

Remus manages a nod, all his thoughts and words barely being collected due to the sensations he's feeling.

"If you want me to stop, then just say," Sirius says. He presses a kiss to Remus' mouth before going back to his neck.

He moves one hand off of Remus' wrist and slides it round the back of his neck so that he can position and move Remus' neck if needed to. He puts his lips to Remus' neck and softly sucks the skin, knowing exactly what to do.

Remus let's out a small gasp, and uses his hand to hold onto Sirius' hair. He's barely made out with anyone before, so this is a new experience altogether. He feels Sirius bite down on his skin and curls his toes up and moves his head to the side to give Sirius more room.

Sirius plants small hickies along one side of Remus' neck, still trying to find where his weak spot is. As soon as he starts to suck on the skin at the bottom of Remus' neck at the front, Remus lets out a loud gasp and his back even arches up a little - Sirius has found it. He sucks harshly on the skin, and bites down onto it - leaving a mark. He does this for several minutes, moving his lips to make the love bite bigger.

He pulls back and looks at Remus' neck, it's covered in hickies, and Remus is breathing heavily with his eyes shut.

"You alright?" Sirius asks and leans down, gently nudging the tip of  Remus' nose with his own.

Remus nods, and although he didn't actually give any hickies or do any 'work', he's feeling quite tired.

"I'll be back in just a moment," he hears Sirius say.

Remus nods his head and opens his eyes, watching as Sirius leave the room. He sits up and stretches out his arms, before getting up and going over to his mirror. He looks at himself and his cheeks immediately go red. His neck is covered in red and brown marks, and the one at the front of his neck is huge. He gently prods it with his finger, and hisses at the pain. Maybe touching them isn't such a good idea.

Apart from feeling a little strange, Remus feels much better than he had earlier. The stress has gone and he feels at ease. He's no longer giving himself a hard time, and he's no longer worrying about college or exams.

When Sirius comes back in, he's carrying two cups and half a packet of biscuits.

"They suit you," he tells Remus, not bothering to try and keep the smirk off his face.

Remus rolls his eyes a bit, but his red cheeks ruin the 'whatever I don't care' attitude he was trying to pull off. He sits down at the bottom of his bed, cross legged. Sirius sits opposite him, handing him a cup and putting the packet of biscuits down on the bed before getting his own cup.

Remus takes a sip of his tea, taking in the milky and sugary flavour. He's never liked strong tea, but he's always had a sweet tooth. "Are you doing anything Sunday?" he asks, wanting to ask Sirius if he's free to go to Marlene's drama performance with him.

Sirius nods, swallows his mouthful of tea and speaks, "I have a show."

"A show?" Remus asks.

"Yeah," Sirius replies quickly. "Of a flat, you know what I was telling you earlier? Well I got a phone call on the bus and they want to show me a flat that I could possible live in."

"That's great!" Remus grins. He doesn't mind that Sirius can't come with him - getting a flat is much more important than going to see a show. And Remus is glad that Sirius is getting a chance of getting his life back together. He still doesn't know what happened with Sirius and his family, but he's gathered that it want a good experience for him.

"Yeah," Sirius says with a small smile. "I suppose it is."

 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning; light alcohol mention and use.

Sunday

Sunday morning is one of the most awkward days of Remus’ life. He didn’t realize just how long hickies stayed for, and it doesn’t help that he had to go visit his grandmother. Of course there was always the option of cancelling - but he couldn’t possible tell his grandmother he couldn’t make it when he could. He can’t lie to her. And besides, he loves to spend time with her. He knows it is the highlight of her week, and he enjoys it just as much.  So, to try and solve the situation, he wears a hoodie and a scarf. The only thing is, is that England has decided that it no longer wants to have horrible weather, and the sun pours down generously onto the world below.

By the time he reaches his grandmother’s flat, he is nearly dying from the heat. His hair is sticky against his forehead and he is almost dehydrated. His grandmother questions why he’s wearing such thick clothing in such lovely weather, but he just tells her that he has a cold and is freezing - even with all of all the sweat that slides down his skin. It’s on his face, under his armpits, on the palm of his hands.

They do not bake, but they do have a roast dinner. And although Remus loves it, the dinner is boiling and just makes him sweat more and more. But he eats all of it, both because it’s delicious, and because he doesn’t want to waste any of his grandmother’s food.

After food, he tells his grandmother that he needs to go home and get ready to go and see Marlene in her drama performance. Before he goes, however, he goes to the toilet. Once the door is shut, he strips off his clothes so fast he can barely remember doing it. He breathes heavily, feeling as though he has just got his first ever breath of fresh air. His body is sweaty along with his head, and there are sweat patches under the sleeves of his shirt. He takes another deep breath and runs the cold tap, splashing his face with water.

“Here,” his grandmother says just as he’s opening the door.

He turns around and watches his grandmother pull a five pound note out of her purse.

“What’re you doing?” he asks, one eyebrow furrowed.

“Give this to Sirius, I know it isn’t much, but that boy needs a nice hot meal from somewhere,” she replies and puts the five pound in Remus’ hand.

Remus purses his lips, not sure what to say. He knows it’s a kind gesture, and that it will help Sirius in someway, but he doesn’t want his grandmother given out money when she needs it herself. But he knows better than to try and give money back to his grandmother. So instead, he pulls her into a hug and kisses her cheek, “Thank you. He’ll appreciate it.”

Once he’s home and the door is shut, he strips off and has a glass of cold water.He takes a cold shower and when he’s on his bed afterwards with a towel wrapped around his lanky body, he texts Alice.

_16:42_

_What do I wear?_

_16:45_

_Clothes?_

_16:46_

_That’s an actual option? WOW. I DIDN’T KNOW THAT._

_16:51_

_Calm down, Loopsoup ;)_

_16:53_

_I’m SURE I have told you to never call me that._

_16:55_

_Have you? I can’t remember? I’m too busy remembering why you got the nickname._

_I mean, who even eats SIX BOWLS of soup in one meal?_

_16:57_

_I WAS HUNGRY_

_I LIKE YOUR MUM’S COOKING/SOUP_

_I’M SORRY FOR APPRECIATING IT SO MUCH_

_17:03_

_SIX BOWLS, REMUS_

_S I X_

_And anything’s okay to wear, Frank’s wearing a shirt and jeans._

_17:09_

_Okay thanks. Now hurry up and pick me up._

_17:11_

_You’re not even dressed?_

_17:17_

_How do you know?_

_17:23_

_You are so annoying. See you in half an hour._

Alice picks Remus up at six along with Frank, who spent the day with her. Before going to the theater that Marlene is performing in, they go to McDonalds, going through the Drive Through.

“I can’t decided if I like these or Big Macs better,” Remus says before taking a bite of his McChicken sandwich.

“I think the McChicken sandwiches are better, the beef burgers aren’t great quality,” Frank replies from the passenger seat, getting a nod off Remus.

“Does it matter?” Alice asks, parking in the car park so they can eat their food,

“Yes!” Frank and Remus say it union, high-fiving each other straight after.

Alice shakes her head, “You two are terrible.”

“No, I’m Remus.”

“Yeah, and I’m Frank, remember?”

Alice groans and eats a few of her chips, “Boys.” she mumbles to herself.

“What show did Marlene say they were performing, again?” Frank asks.

“Grease, she’s the chick that doesn’t like Sandy.”

“Oh I know the one! The sassy one who gets herself pregnant or something.”

“Mm, her,” Alice replies. She turns around to look at Remus before speaking again, “I forgot to ask - why the hell are you wearing a scarf?”

Remus stares at Alice, the pupils of his eyes wide and his cheeks red, “I. uh..”

“Remus?” Alice raises her eyebrow.

Remus debates whether or not to make up a story, but he knows Alice isn’t going to believe him. He lets out a sigh of relief and takes the scarf off, looking down at his lap.

“Oh. My God. Remus!” Alice shrieks, a smirk playing on her lips.

Frank turns around to see what the fuss is about and his jaw drops. “Jesus Remus! And I thought Alice gave me a lot of hickies!”

Remus laughs and looks up at the two, “I had to wear the scarf and a hoodie to hide them from my grandma.”

“Oh, talk about awkward,” Frank laughs.

They finish off their food and listen to some hipster indie band that Alice loves on their way to the theatre. They meet Dorcas and Benjy there and they all take their seats. Remus sends Sirius a quick text before the show starts.

_18:46_

_Hope the viewing with the flat goes well and you get it!! Haven’t heard off you today, I hope you’re okay. Speak to you when I can._

The show is amazing. Remus is overwhelmingly proud of Marlene. He’s never seen her so confident, and he can tell that the drama group is helping her. After the performance, Marlene invites Remus and the others to an after party that’s being held at Emma’s house, the girl who played Sandy. They all agree to go, and Alice promises to drive them there and drop them all back off as well. Drinking has never been an interest to her anyway.

Stepping into the house, music is being blasted and people are grouped together. It’s a surprise anyone can hear one another with how loud the music is. Remus doesn’t recognise the music, but he knows it’s some kind of house or techno music. Honestly, he isn’t sure if they’re the same thing or what. But what he is sure of is that with the loud music and the fact he’s going to be drinking is going to cause a huge headache the next morning.

There’s a dark haired boy stood next to the drinks. He’s got a red blazer on and a white shirt. Remus recognizes him as the guy who played Danny just fifteen minutes ago.

“Hey Marlene,” he greets.

“Hey Ryan,” Marlene smiles, stepping next to him and getting a bottle of WKD off the counter. She turns and gestures to Remus, “Ryan, this is Remus.”

“Nice to meet you Remus.”

They shake hands before Marlene and Ryan dive into a conversation. Remus stands there awkwardly; taking sips of his beer and looking around to see if he can find any of his friends. But of course, he cannot.

“Hey!” comes a cheery voice behind him.

Remus turns around and is met by a red hair girl whose eyes are almost such a vibrant green they’re glowing. “Hi,” he replies, not nearly as loud or cheery as the girl.

“I’m Lily, and you’re Remus? Marlene said you would be here.”

Remus is shocked that he’s already known. And more shocked that he’s been spoken about. But he find himself smiling and nodding his head, “Yeah, I think Marlene’s said something about you as well.”

Lily smiles, “Would you like to come and meet my boyfriend and his friend? They weren’t in the show but they did the lighting and makeup.”

“Yeah, that’d be awesome, I don’t think I’m going to get much conversation out of those two.” Remus turns around to look at Marlene and Ryan and laughs when his point is proven when he sees them making out. He follows Lily through the crowd of people, awkwardly trying to avoid having butts shoved into him. He clutches the can tightly in his hand, bending the metal but not spilling the alcohol.

“Nearly there, keep following me!” Lily calls over her shoulder as she starts to go up the stairs. Remus follows without a word.

They stop when they reach a room with a closed door. Lily reaches out and opens the door. No one is sat inside by the thin curtains are blowing where the porch doors are opened.

“Close the door behind you, we aren’t suppose to be up here. This is Emma’s parents’ room.”

Lily walks into the room and onto the porch.

Remus steps inside the room and looks around, taking in the paintings and fancy bed spread. There’s a dresser covered in a thick red paint and perfume bottles line the back of it. He shuts the door behind him and goes onto the porch where voices are coming from. Three backs are stood to him, and when one of the boy turns around, Remus is hit by a wave of confusion. His eyebrows fall in confusion. The boy on the porch looks like a deer in headlights.

“..Sirius?”

Sirius licks over his lips, staring Remus in the face. His heart is pounding like it never has before and he’s started to feel sick, but he knows for certain it isn’t because of the alcohol. “Remus.. I can explain. **”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did someone say plot twist? I think they did.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Remus pushes his nails into the palms of his hands. His heart is beating fast so fast that he’s sure that it’s not healthy.

Lily and the boy with round glasses share a look, but Sirius keeps his eyes locked on Remus’.

“Sirius,” Lily starts. “Do you know him already?”

“Yeah, you could say that,” Sirius replies and swallows thickly.

“Oh god..” James starts, eyes widening when he catches onto what’s happening.

“What?” Lily asks.

She looks at her boyfriend who’s staring at Sirius and Remus. Remus is staring at Sirius, and Sirius is staring right back at him.

“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” Lily asks, getting worked up. She can sense that something isn’t right here.

“That’s Sirius’ boyfriend,” James says, not moving his eyes from the two males.

Lily’s eyebrows furrow, “He has a boyfriend?”

“Sirius what’re you doing here?” Remus asks, his voice cracking. He’s not stupid - he knows something wrong.

Sirius lets out a shaky breath and closes his eyes. He opens his eyes, looks at Remus, and speaks, “I’m not homeless.”

Remus feels like he’s been punched right in the stomach. He feels sick and he’s not sure if he’s dizzy or if the room really is spinning. “What do you mean, you’re not homeless?”

Sirius breaths in again and a tear runs down his cheek, “I lied. I’ve never even been to a homeless shelter.”

Remus is unaware that there are tears rolling down his cheeks. He’s speechless, he doesn’t even know what to say. Waves of anxiety and disbelief wash over him.

“I can explain why I lied though,” Sirius steps forward and reaches for Remus’ hand.

Remus moves his hand back and quickly leaves the room. He can barely see due to the tears that are blurring his vision, but he can just about find the banister of the stairs. He rushes down them so fast that he nearly falls down them. Downstairs, it’s as if everyone has multiplied. It seems much more crowded and Remus can feel his anxiety kick it’s way in more and more with every glance around the room that he takes. He isn’t sure where to go, but he wants to get out. He pushes his way through people, making them spill drinks and fall into each other. Half of them just laugh it off, but Remus doesn’t care. He just needs to get out.

Quickly enough he gets to the front door and without thinking he swings it open and runs out. His legs carry him out of the house and onto a main road, and the next thing Remus knows is that he’s just been hit in the stomach and he’s hit his head extremely hard on the floor. The air is suddenly freezing and he can’t breath. He’s in agony but cannot find the strength to cry. His view is changed in an instant from the night sky to black. His eyes are closing and the last thing he hears is a scream of his name.

//

“I told you it was a stupid idea,” James says as Remus runs out of the room.

“I know that James.. but it was never meant to go this far,” Sirius replies gloomily.

“I’m confused,” Lily says.

“I’ll explain later,” James tells his girlfriend before turning his attention back to Sirius. “Well don’t just stand there, go and find him!”

Sirius does just that. He leaves the room and he can just see Remus starting to make his way through the people who are stood downstairs. He doesn’t bother calling his name, Remus won’t hear him. He does, however, run after him. When he gets downstairs he’s lost him, but he looks around and sees the door opening. He takes it as definitely being Remus and pushes people past him and runs outside. As he steps outside, the cold air hits him but his view hits him harder.

Remus is laid on his back on the ground, a jeep in front of him and some man on the phone to whom Sirius hopes is an ambulance.

He screams his boyfriend’s name before running over. His eyes are shut and when Sirius checks for a pulse, there’s nothing there. Not even the slightest of beats.

“Remus!” Sirius cries, putting his hands on Remus’ cheeks. He watches the colour leave Remus’ face and he can feel the heat leaving his body.


	19. Chapter nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, let's see what happens, shall we?

Sirius opens the door and is nearly attacked by Alice if it wasn’t for Frank rushing out of the car and grabbing her back.

“This is your fault!” Alice screams, desperately thrashing around in Frank’s arms, reaching out so she can grab Sirius.

“I know,” Sirius replies groggily, avoiding eye contact with Alice.

“It should be you in the hospital!” Alice cries, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I know,” Sirius repeats. “I wish it was me in hospital instead of him.”

Frank steps into the conversation, “Come on Alice, let’s go.”

James steps downstairs after Frank and Alice leave, having been listening from upstairs.

He puts his hand on Sirius’ shoulder, “Are you okay?”

Sirius shrugs and walks away from James and into the kitchen. He opens the cupboard and gets the box of cereal. He’s numb, just like he has since Remus got hit by a car a few nights back.

There’s not been any news on Remus - he’s been in a coma for three days now. Sirius told Lily and all of Remus’ friends the truth about himself.

The truth about Sirius is that he’s not homeless. He has never been homeless. He was kicked out of his house when he was fifteen, and James’ parents took him in and legally made him their son. The reason he was kicked out was because he did not believe in what his parents did. He wasn’t like them - he was the opposite of them, and they hated him for it. For years he put up with mental and emotional abuse, and the day that he was kicked out was actually the best day ever.

The day he met Remus was his day off from college that he gets once a week. And he was able to see Remus whenever he wanted due to him skipping classes.

He knew it was wrong, and he knew that he should of told Remus the truth. But Sirius just couldn’t hurt Remus - but look at the irony there.

“Are you going to see him today?” James asks.

Sirius shrugs, “Don’t know.”

James feels anger well up within him, “Really?!” he screams. “You can’t go on being this childish! Your boyfriend is in hospital - go and fucking see him!”

“I have!” Sirius screams, turning around to look at James. “But everytime I do I feel guilty!”

“This isn’t about you, Sirius! This is about Remus and the fact that he could die!”

//

The first thing Remus thinks as he opens his eyes is what the fuck happened. He tries to move his head but pain strikes up in his neck, causing Remus to squeeze his eyes shut and grit his teeth.

“Dorcas, I think he’s awake,” he hears someone speak.

He hears the sound of footsteps, and when he opens his eyes, he sees Dorcas’ face - the expression of hopeful and fear crushed onto her face.

“I can’t believe you’re awake,” she says, tears spilling down her cheeks. She takes his hand her own.

“Who’s the other person with you?” is the first thing Remus speaks.

“Oh, it’s Lily. She’s just gone now to get a doctor.”

Remus goes to nod, but decides against the decision due to the pain he just had a few minutes ago.

“Do you remember what happened?”

“Yeah,” Remus says with a sigh. How could he forget?

He’s aware he’s been asleep - well, in a coma for a few days. He’s heard people’s voices and felt their touches. It’s weird that he couldn’t communicate with them, but he’s glad that he’s awake now.

“I’m so sorry,” Dorcas replies, rubbing her other hand on Remus’.

“It’s not your fault - it’s my own.”

“Remus, how is this your fault? You’re not the one who lied, who made up this identity-” she stops when she sees the tears that threaten to spill from Remus’ eyes.

The doctor comes in with a nurse, unhooking Remus from the life support machine now that he is able to stay alive without the assistance of the machine.

“You should be able to leave tonight, as long as you continue to show that you’re able to. Though I need to make the suggestion that you stay with one of your friends instead of going back to your apartment on your own. Especially with a broken leg and the brace around your neck.”

“Okay,” Remus mumbles.

The nurse helps Remus to sit up and lay against the pillows to support his back.

“Now, there is something else,” the doctor says.

“What?” Remus asks, his hand still in Dorcas’. He has no intention of letting her hand go.

“There was an implication with your jaw, and to get to it we had to perform surgery, which meant cutting your face,” the doctor starts.

Remus holds Dorcas’ hand tighter, “Okay, and?”

The doctor hands Remus a mirror.

Remus furrows his eyebrows but when he looks in the mirror - he understands. There’s a huge scar that runs from the middle of his nose to the bottom of his cheeks. He swallows thickly.

“I’ll give you some time,” the doctor says and leaves with the nurse.

“Remus..” Dorcas says softly, looking at her best friend who’s just starring in the mirror.

“I’m never going to forgive him for this,” Remus whispers.

//

A few hours later, after all the fussing by his friends, Remus gets his phone.

17:09

Too chicken to see the boy you almost killed? Well, that’s what I should expect off someone like you. I can’t believe you - and I will never forgive you for this, Sirius. Don’t come and see me, actually. I’ve got enough demons without keeping you around. Have a good life, or don’t. I don’t care anymore.

//

A few days later, when he’s out with Alice and Frank, getting use to using crutches, Remus sees James and Sirius. Sirius hasn’t bothered with Remus since the day he woke up - not a text message of a phone call. And although it was what Remus wanted, what he wants, he can’t help but feel let down by the boy. Remus thought Sirius would fight for him. Then again, he also thought Sirius was homeless. He stares for a couple of minutes before speaking, “I need to go see him.”

Alice frowns, knowing who Remus is on about. “Remus, do you think it’s a good idea?”

“I don’t know what’s a good idea anymore, Alice. I thought being with him was a good idea, but look how badly I fucked up there.”

Frank speaks before his girlfriend can lecture Remus on why it wasn’t his fault, “We’ll stay here.”

Remus makes his way over to where James and Sirius are stood. He’s still not brilliant on the crutches, but he rather them than a wheelchair. When he’s stood behind them, he coughs to get their attention.

They turn around, and Remus is taken back by how drained Sirius looks. He fights the smirk off his face.

“I need to talk to you.”

James leaves them, and Remus speaks again.

“Did you get my text?”

Sirius nods, hands in pockets and eyes looking down at the floor.

Remus laughs humorlessly, “Can you at least have the decency to look at me?”

Sirius gulps and looks up, “I didn’t come to see you because-”

“Because I told you not to, yeah I know. But after what you caused, what you put me through, don’t you think I deserve an explanation? Don’t you think I deserve a fucking apology at least?”

“I did apologise! I apologised when-”

“I was in a coma, I know. I heard you. But remember, you put me in the coma. I’m like this because of you, and you can’t even apologise when I’m awake?” Remus scoffs. This is so out of his character but he’s so filled with rage and anger that he doesn’t even notice. “I trusted you Sirius - I let you stay at mine, I introduced you to my grandmother, I gave you my hoodie - and you lied to me. You kept this huge fucking secret from me and what did you get out of it, hey? Because what I got is a broken leg, a bad neck, an aching jaw, and a scarred face.”

“It wasn’t meant to go like this, you weren’t meant to get hurt.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?!” Remus roars. “Why didn’t you just tell me?!”

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Hurt me?! How fucking ironic,” Remus snaps.

“I know,” Sirius says quietly, looking down at his feet, hands clasped together.

“Oh stop playing so innocent,” Remus growls, letting all of his anger out. “I’m the one who got fucked over, not you. I hope your next boyfriend doesn’t break so easily.”

Sirius looks up with tears rolling down his cheeks, “Next boyfriend?”

Remus laughs nastily, “You don’t think I’m going to stay with you do you?”

“I thought we could work it out..”

“No way,” Remus says instantly. “I never want to see you again.”

He turns around shakily on his crutches, and the sound of Sirius crying just makes Remus move faster.

//

Sirius and Remus stop talking after that. James tries to get them to talk again, but Remus refuses to.

He stays with Alice and her parents until his leg is better and he can walk without his crutches and care for himself. He finds out that Sirius is Narcissa’s cousin, and it makes him feel funny when he works out it was Sirius who beat up Lucius.

Nevertheless, he gets on with his life. He gets the best grades possible and when summer comes round, he decides that he’s going to spend a week with the Pettigrews. They offered to take him on holiday, so he decided he deserved it. He’s still hurting from Sirius, but he’s got to move on.

“I’m just going to get the last of my bags,” he tells Peter, who’s driving Remus back up to his home.

Peter nods his head and watches as Remus walks back in the building. He opens the door to his apartment and grabs the bag by the couch. Just as he’s walking back to the front door, there’s a knock from the other side of it. Opening it, he sees the face that he wants to see the least.

“Here’s your hoodie.”

“Keep it,” Remus replies emotionless, stepping out of his flat and locking the door.

“Are you sure?”

Remus shrugs a shoulder, looking at Sirius, “I don’t care, Sirius. Just don’t fuck anymore people up like you did with me.”

“I never meant to-”

“I know,” Remus replies.

He isn’t sure what makes him do what he does next, but he does it anyway. He steps closer to Sirius and pushes their lips together. He waits for Sirius to really get into it, before he pulls back, wiping his lips. “You lost this, you ruined this, not me.”

He turns around and leaves Sirius standing there on his own.

“Okay, let’s go,” Remus says to Peter as he gets closer to the car.

“Definitely got everything?”

“Definitely got everything, Peter.”

They get back into the car, and as Peter drives, Remus puts the radio on and looks out of the window.

**It’s time to get on with his life.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad ending, I know. But would you take back a guy who caused you emotional and physical pain?  
> Nevertheless, I want to thank you all for all the support you've given me. Thank you for all of the kudos, bookmarks, comments, reads, all of them. They've made me so happy and I hope you've enjoyed this fanfiction (even though it has a sad ending).

**Author's Note:**

> So that's the first chapter, I would love to hear any feedback. Any questions? Comment them and I'll answer them for you. Or you can get in touch with me on my tumblr - jilyaredeaddoe.tumblr.com :)


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